Wednesday, October 24, 2007

What is worse than having a friend whose girlfriend you aren't exactly a fan of? I'll tell you- the girlfriend making it quite obvious to your friend that she isn't comfortable with the two of you being together.

I am the kind of person who is more at ease with guys. Why? I am not sure but I think the fact that I have grown up with two brothers might have something to do with it. I am not exactly tomboyish, but I definitely cannot be classified as "girly" either. So it doesn't take me much time to gel with other fools of similar temperament. All this history has been laid out just to emphasize the fact that being with a guy is not new to me.

Usually, its a matter of time before I am introduced to the better half.The protocol been done away with, next comes the time for her to assess the "threat"-me! I am proud to state that 99% of the time, I am given the green signal. The rest 1% are the perennially doubtful ones, the ones who wouldn't let even a cow come near their prized possession.

I don't know why us females are always so suspicious over the other's intentions. That too, if it's a long term relationship, the insecurities are justifiable - out of sight, out of mind, the distance playing the role of an aging, waist expanding villain. But when you are just a call away, what's your problem! Sometimes (when I am in on my worst bitchy moods), I feel I should justify their cause for concern and teach them a good lesson in the process. But of course, my moral conscience(which is unfortunately,double the size of my ego) always butts in to stop me.

Don't they realize that if there's anything the guy should be protected from, it is them! A girlfriend who constantly questions you, confides her fears about your good friend (if i might add something here-the very same friend who got them together in the first place!) and makes no small matter of the fact that she is jealous, doesn't stand much chance in the long run.

As it is, once a friend finds love, rest assured for the next few months he/she forgets the existence of friends. To top that, the whole "love triangle-conspiracy theory" angle to it makes it even more difficult to handle. I do agree that sometimes friendship does blossom into love, but that doesn't mean you view anyone close to your better half with suspicion. If you can't trust the one you love, you have already lost it all.

Anyway, my solution to this dilemma- distancing myself from it all. Keep the confusion and your boyfriend to yourself, I want nothing to do with either. Am I compromising unnecessarily and losing out on good times? Compromise-yes, unnecessarily-no. I want my peace of mind and hope in the process she finds hers too.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Hyacinth

How can two people continue to be in a relationship knowing that there is no future? I know it's unreasonable to think so much about the future when you are just getting to know someone. But once both of you know that there is more to it than just flirting around or going out together, don't you sit and think about it?

Doesn't it bother you that any moment, this beautiful thing might come to an end? Or do people blindly believe in the 'Ignorance is Bliss' policy, behaving like an Ostrich, sticking their neck into the sand, hoping and praying that the inevitable just happens to pass them by? You can't continue to look the other way, who will tell them that?

Some say it's not necessary that you get to marry the one you love, but that shouldn't stop you from loving. BULLSHIT! What will you gain from pursuing such an "arrangement"? Are people so hungry for love or are they in love with the idea of falling in love that they forget that it is not just about physical intimacy, it has more to do with emotional intimacy. Unless the former is more important, in which case it can be just termed as an affair or fling, not love.

Who am I to preach about love? Well, honestly, no one. But when I see people around me act so foolishly, plunging head long into it knowing fully well of the consequences, all I can do is grind my teeth and bare it. Even as a friend, you need to be in certain boundaries. You cannot tell your friends to just get it over with and stop torturing themselves further, especially when they look to you for that ever needed shoulder to cry on. You can just go so far. One step more, one word more and you might be misunderstood and in the worst case, asked to mind your own business in the coldest manner possible. After that, it can only go downhill from there.

"Cherish the moments as long as they last" will most probably be their excuse. "Don't act stupid!" would be mine. There is nothing to be gained from pursuing something that does and will continue to cause you pain. The sooner you end it, easier will it be to move on.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Its only Words

There are a few people who are very good with words. I feel blessed to be lucky enough to know at least a couple of them personally. Talking to them comes very easily, the flow of words stopping only when there is a genuine reason. All I need to say is "Hey" and the rest goes off smoothly from there.

I am the kind of person who likes personal interaction more than telephonic conversations. Why? Well, for one, you cannot see the other person's expressions when you are on the phone. You never know if the "so nice to talk to you" is genuine or they are just rolling their eyes in reality. Also, if you don't learn from your mistakes, you are not fit to be called a human! Ok, what that meant was that some people are great "voice modulators" and I have been foolish enough in the past to have believed what I heard and pay the price for the same.

So nowadays the only people I have lengthy conversations with, over the phone, are those that I completely trust. I can sometimes even imagine the kind of smile, frown or mischief on their faces upon my remarks or comments. That's the kind of 'connection' I enjoy(too much dialogue-baazi hunh).

Anyway, I was talking to this one friend last evening. I wasn't in the best of my moods but I never allow my moods to control me or my behaviour. Just because something is going wrong in my life doesn't mean I should let if affect others. And so I picked up the call. I give myself more credit than is due as it turns out that I couldn't mask the dullness in my greeting. Luckily, pretending also comes easily(even if a bit too late) to me. So blamed it on sleepiness and boredom.

As I mentioned earlier, he is one of those few who are so good with words. The topic discussed was something serious as it affects not only mine but a few other people's plans but once that was out of the way, it was a joy to listen to him speak. I am not a sucker for compliments and honestly, I don't like someone complimenting me on my face. According to me, compliments are best served behind the back and criticisms up front(the only exception being when it is related to the physical appearance on a special day :D).

But this conversation was different. In between the silly leg pulling games that we always play, a few compliments were inserted. I didn't even realise it, such was the grace with which they were 'executed'! It did lift my spirits. What also lifted my spirits was the return of one of my friends/colleagues from her leave and the fact that she did so well in her GMAT exam. I didn't know I was getting so used to these "regular" people in my life. Its not a good thing for me. I know for sure, that one of these days, things will change and again I will be amongst some relative strangers, trying to find my footing, starting from scratch all over again.

Until then, let me just enjoy these days.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Managing myself

Frustration. An emotion I am very used to, I can identify with. If the frustrations are brought from within, its easier to handle, but if they are brought on by a third person, playing it down takes up a lot of energy.

When you start your professional life, what is the one thing that plays on your mind, more than anything(except the money)? Well, for me, it was the thought of working under a stranger, who, by sheer experience and age would be senior to me. Throughout my childhood I have heard both good and bad stories about my parents' bosses and was hence thoroughly curious to find out about mine. Would he be bald?Maybe. Would he be too old?Nah..nobody is too old in this industry! Would he be interesting?Hmmm..

Looking back, I wouldn't mind if he were either bald or too old! This man, who is supposed to be a "manager", who is supposed to be good in people skills, asks his team members whether he should leave early as his wife is acting cold towards him. Yes. You read that right. My skin crawled when I heard this and trust me, I would give any therapist as much as desired to erase this traumatic, ghastly memory from my idiotic remembers-everything-clearly brain!

Forget being a good manager, he doesn't even seem to be a proper man! Call me narrow minded or old fashioned, but I am of the strong opinion that a man should behave like, well, a man! To hell with metrosexuality or the over hyped "finding your feminine side"! Nothing is as demotivating or creepy as the first manager in your professional life giggling during the call with the client(obviously on mute) or standing with his hands on his hips or walking with a very Bobby Darling gait.

No,he's not gay. He looks it, he acts it, but I guess he doesn't know it. He is apparently happily married(an oxymoron?). But that's besides my point! What is my point? I don't know! All I know is that with each passing day, it is becoming more and more difficult to hide my disgust towards this man. Yet, I have no other options. Compared to the cunning crook who is sitting and plotting in Mysore as to how to get us back there, who merrily dines at the expense of another and tells him that the onsite trip is canceled only when the bill is paid, my manager seems to be the lesser of the two evils. Much lesser!

But when I hear my friends talk how knowledgeable their manager is or some even admitting they don't even know who their manager is, the pangs of jealousy inside of me become uncontrollable. Of all the under paid morons in this company, why in the world did I have to be stuck with the man who abandons his place and shares our cubicle when in trouble? WHY!!??

Monday, October 15, 2007

Connection Reset

Sleep..I need sleep..My mind is so exhausted right now! All because of my stupid phone. I recently(Sat to be more precise) activated GPRS on my phone for lack of anything better to do. The cost seemed reasonable enough and given my single status and of course the provision of the office phone for other calls, as it is I hardly spend anything towards me phone bill. So my thought was "Why not?"

Coming to that, I have friends who have spent more than a thousand per month on just phone bills! Whoever said that love is blind forgot to mention that love can cost a lot too(pun intended)! Anyway, what prompted me besides general boredom was my curiosity. Such instances actually make me wonder if I was a cat in my previous life, the signs are quite obvious to miss. There's just one flaw in this theory-I don't believe in rebirth!

Ok so coming back to the 'connectivity' issue, The activation was a cakewalk, kudos to Vodafone for that. Any technically illiterate person could have also followed the simple steps that they provided though their SMS. Once the setup was complete,it was time to test it. The phone browser takes just too much time to load and redirect and so downloading a suitable browser was the need of the hour. That was the start of my woes.

Two days, two full days I kept trying to connect to my favourite sites(that wasn't posing any problem). But it also required me to log in repeatedly to view each page. Eventually it turned out that the beta version, the one that I had downloaded was the culprit and the old version was the answer to my problems. At two in the night(morning?), after downloading the older version and checking for its performance and to my great relief, discovering that everything was working fine, did I call it a day(night?)! Why couldn't I just wait for the following morning, contact the service guy and have the thing fixed? Well, to be honest, my pride and ego wouldn't let me!

I hate generalisations and if there is anything I hate more than generalisations, it is stereotypes. How is that connected in any way to my "story"? Well, "you are a girl, technology is way beyond your reach" qualifies as a stereotype, doesn't it? I am happy to announce that I became an exception to this rule and I am now 'connected' to the world through my phone. In fact, half of this blog was composed on my phone, while traveling back home!

I am loving it! :)

Sunday, October 14, 2007

For old times sake

*sigh* Sunday is coming to an end. Yeah, i know it is a very regular phenomenon and I am just stating the obvious. But today was an exceptionally good one. It's one thing to go out and another to go out and actually have a good time!

A couple of days back, I was just chatting with one of my friends on gtalk out of boredom when the topic shifted to how long it has been since we met and spent some time together. Thanks to office resources and lack of any serious pending work at both ends, I ended up calling him and we spoke for quite long. The matters "discussed" were basically how I think he is pretending to be busy, acting too smart for his own good and the if we don't meet very soon, I will make sure that he is covered in bruises. He had the same thoughts, except the bruises part.

So it was decided that Sunday we should meet up. Easier said than done. It had been a while since I met quite a few friends, most of whom are busy preparing for that stupid test that is claiming the free time of a lot of people of my age group(plus/minus two years)- CAT. Hence, the plan was proposed that all of us have lunch together, after these busy bodies finish with their Mock CATs.

Next came the tough part- catching each of them, requesting for a few moments out of their precious time and to get them to agree. Mind you, it wasn't just studies that would have acted as a hindrance, but we are talking about asking guys to spare some time on the day of an India-Australia match. If there's one thing yours truly is good at, it's persuasion. For some, a "pretty please" was good enough, for others emotional blackmail plus veiled threats did the job. One secret-when I was convincing one, I told the other that everyone else was coming and hence not to act as a spoilsport!*evil grin*

People were asked and convinced, day and time was decided, next came the venue. Now here, I got hardly any help. "Hey..decide the venue and just let me know" was the common response. That wasn't good for me. I had no problem deciding where to go but if it wouldn't turn out well, I would have six tired, hungry, angry men to take care of and trust me, no way did I want that to happen! After much deliberation with one of them, I finally fixed the place and crossed my fingers and messaged all of them last night about it.

Here comes the element of surprise-not one, but all of them turned up earlier than planned! The only waiting involved was for the table, which wasn't a big issue as there was no dearth of "entertainment" to pass the time. I had made a rule right from the time all of them turned up-no one is to discuss the questions/answers and except an occasional slip up a couple of times, all of them did adhere to it!

The food was excellent(especially for the price that we paid for it) and for a change, us veggies had good options and actually went in for second servings! Everyone was at ease, teasing each other and a lot of gay jokes were passed(as I remarked to one of them-such jokes seem to be in abundance in our group!).

The funny thing that struck me while looking around the table-I was the only girl there. And yet, nothing seemed as odd to any of us, me included. I guess that's the best part about having such friends, you don't have to think too much, you just blend into the common space, forgetting the trivial superficialities.

After I reached home, i got a message from one of them, thanking me for organising this little meet and expressing how much fun he had. I know they say that "there is no thank you/sorry in friendship", but honestly, it doesn't hurt to slide in these two once in a while, when you actually mean it. I feel accomplished. :)

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Relatively Sane

Phew! What a day. It all started yesterday when my aunt called up home to inform that since my niece(she is 20 years older than me) is in town, they will be coming home today for lunch. My mom switched into the hyper mode. What to prepare tomorrow, how many to expect, what to buy, etc. Now don't get me wrong, usually she behaves in a very composed manner, as is expected from a working woman handling her family since the past 27 years.

But when it comes to relatives, especially if they are from my father's side, you better step out of the way. I seriously wonder why. I have even confronted her and told her that their "judgement" of her should make absolutely no difference to her or our lives. She obviously denies the fact that she is trying to win them over and hence the charade continues. I have accepted the fact and have resigned myself to it.

Its not that easy though. Her restlessness rubs off on me and since my brother somehow very cunningly is missing from the scene on such days, I am left to bear the brunt of her irritation. It starts right in the morning. Since almost every Friday I sleep late, it automatically translates to me waking up late on Saturday. Thats usually not a problem, its almost a routine now. But not today. I was woken up by her at around 10, thats like 2 hours too early! Not to forget that at around 7 my sleep was broken and I panicked looking at the clock, forgetting that it was a non working day.

My hands were itching to start the computer and sit online, but if I don't learn a few lessons after 23 years of living with my family, I consider myself to be one retarded, spastic creature. So there I was, standing outside the kitchen, not even mentioning breakfast, waiting for my orders. And did they come! Though I must confess that since she has raised me, she knew what all I am capable of(hehe) and hence kept my chores simple. My favourite one though was the role of the taster! I am supposed to be a stone emotions wise but when it comes to senses, mine are hailed as the best in the house(thank you thank you). So any dish/dessert/edible item that is prepared, first comes to me for the honours.

Needless to say, today there were many to be inspected! They all passed the test, few underwent minor alterations, and I am very happy to announce that they were all hits with the relatives. And I am not basing my claims on just the mandatory praises showered by them, but because second servings were asked for, and that can never be misleading! The pleasure was apparent on my mother's face and the look of amusement on mine.

Now coming to those people who single handedly succeeded to cause so much mayhem in a day of our lives - my relatives. If you have seen the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, you won't have a problem recognising them. The loudest, most boisterous, biggest bunch of happy and healthy people - that's them! But I must admit, there's not a single dull moment when the Ballals get together. Everyone seems to have a good sense of humor, the best of which comes up when pulling someone's leg. And sarcasm..oh boy..if you are new to this family, you should be warned, all of us are full of it!

Come to think of it, I had a good time. I like relatives when they come in "short" packages ie for a few hours. They come, they eat, they crack jokes, we reminisce, they call us to their house and then they leave. Short and sweet. Anything more than that and its time to make excuses about mailing someone from work or having a headache and take a leave from the gathering. I wonder if they feel the same way about me and my family. Actually, I am sure that they do! :D

Friday, October 12, 2007

Crib..crib..crib..n oh yes..crib!

A Friday. A nice, relaxing, happy Friday. And here I am, stuck to my seat, in front of the computer, looking at that whimsical clock on the bottom right corner, waiting for it to turn to 5:00 PM. No, not because then I can leave and go home, but so that I can switch off my brain for the day and listen to my teammate walk our demented, retarded client through a thoroughly depressing presentation, while seated next to our IQ-level-below-20-PM. I am not being bitchy, neither is this stemming out of bitterness.

It's the truth. Imagine a eight year old..no..make it five year old child, who is so spoiled and pampered by her parents that she thinks that Shah Jahan built the Taj Mahal not for his love Mumtaz but for her and every time she sees marble, it should be brought to her. Hence, stubborn, demanding or unreasonable would be an understatement to describe her. What ST demands, ST gets. That is what they tell her, or maybe they don't. She just assumes that since she is the privileged one to have us as the service providers (read slaves) it is but obvious that we need to be subservient to her.

Coming to the "services" that we provide, it can range from teaching basics of Math to entertaining her when she is all alone in her office and it is way beyond office hours in ours!
I mean come on, isn't it obvious! If she stays in the office, the whole world should give her company in it. What kind of a place works for "only" 8.5 hrs per day! It's a different matter that we work even before she comes to office as she would have given work the previous evening. But all that is immaterial. Their company doesn't pay our company to complain or ask such questions.

Questions. I have started to hate them. Silly me used to think that questions are good, questions are just a way to probe some more and gain some more knowledge. Ha! if things continue this way, very soon we will have to make those "class passes" like in school and take our PMs or better still, take Her Highness' permission to go to the washroom. If someone goes on leave, I should be informed. If someone falls ill, they should inform me for how many days that will continue! Sure. What's next? Should we also find out who built the universe in exactly how many days? That too of course, by EOD.

For those who claim slavery is no longer existent, kindly remind me to set up a meeting in her office.