I wouldn't have believed you if you would have told me a few years earlier that my threshold of pain would go down, slowly. You see, I am the kind of person who doesn't believe in pills. I mean, it's not like I refuse to believe that medicine works, that small quantities of certain chemicals will in turn take care of certain chemicals in my body and magically, things will be better. Phew. No, that's not what I mean.
What I do mean is..wait, let me illustrate it with the help of a story. A very long time ago, there used to be a little girl. A delicate little girl, who used to fall ill at the drop of a hat. Her parents wouldn't let her take allopathy treatment as they were scared of the side effects. So throughout her life she was used to taking these small balls of sugar. And they worked, placebo effect or not.
Then one fine day, the girl happened to watch a movie. A very average, if not below, Hindi movie. It starred Salman Khan and umm..Revathi? Well, to cut a long story short, which unfortunately they didnt, the climax of the scene involved the girl getting into a macabre accident i.e. glass piercing through her abdomen. No medicines would work on her as since childhood she used to pop those evil tablets and capsules, for no reason, even if she was hale and hearty. So scientifically they explained in the movie, that it lead to a lower immunity and no medicines would work on her.
This was during the times I did not even know the spelling of the word paranoia. But set in, it did. Since that time, I had vowed to never be so stupid, I mean what if glass or any other sharp object for that matter went through my abdomen or any other part of the body for that matter! So I avoided pills whenever I could. Incredible pain, terrible flu, high fever, any kind of ailment and my treatment would be to sleep it off. For milder cases, it worked. When it got really severe, to the point that maybe my survival depended on it, I would resort to pills.
But as Murphy, my best friend, was watching all of this, I think somewhere he gave a sinister laugh. He also gave me acne problem. And it was the kind of problem that doesn't go away with clean and clear. There were pills, capsules, tablets, colourful, stinky, long, small, you imagine it, I have taken it. But one good thing came out of it - I outgrew my paranoia, to a certain extent. Pills weren't so bad. Pills are good, if taken in normal quantities.
Alas! With these positive changes, came the negative. My will power, strengthened by my paranoia in the bygone years, has gone down considerably. Ok, maybe you are wondering what kind of a psycho would willingly want to suffer, when in pain. Good point. But it's not easy to explain. Let me put it this way - nowadays, if I am in pain, the first thought I get is where the painkiller is. If it's a cold, I want to reach out for the tablet that in the advertisements sends a golden light through your oesophagus and magically cures it.
Fear, in the right amount and at the right time, can serve us well. I need to be afraid. Someone please show me a news link of a woman/man who developed 15 butts as a side effect from taking medicines for common ailments. Maybe that will help me snap out of this.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
This and That
Since it takes quite an effort and patience to actually come out with something that makes sense, here's a compilation of random thoughts that I would like to put down here for posterity:
The easiest way to know if he/she is serious - See if you are introduced to the friends. Forget family, they come much later. If you are introduced to the "gang", its on. Why did I suddenly think of it? Well, I promised you random, didn't I? Word of caution: if you have been at the other end of sweet nothings but still don't what the best friend looks like, move on.
All good things to eat are short words. Really, think about it. The three words that come to my mind are pizza, cake and coffee. Fine, you got me there. You don't eat coffee. But you get my point, don't you. Half the fun goes away if you spend fifteen minutes trying to pronounce it. Try ordering "croissant, on the go". That's why all of us love "puff" so much. And eggs. And Maggi. "Oh, there's nothing to eat, do you wanna have the instant-noodles-that-can-be-prepared-in-2-minutes?" I don't think so.
Google has spoiled all of us. I remember the time when the Encyclopaedia used to be the last word on everything. When you needed to look a word up, you got up, you went to fetch either the pocket dictionary or if you wanted to know some examples along with the pronunciation, you went to fetch the big daddy of dictionaries. It weighs at least 2 kilos. So once you had it on your tiny lap, you thought "oh what the hell, might as well look up some more words". Now, you just find an obscure link and prove to everyone that the way you say it is right. Stupid internet.
If you want to get a "hostelite"(people who don't live with their families) to get all emotional, play either of these songs - Purani Jeans/Yaaron Dosti/ Pal/Yaadein. Serious faces, tight body language, uncomfortable silence guaranteed. If there is alcohol in the vicinity, expect water works too. Disclaimer: listener must be fluent in Hindi.
I am back to the world of books and loving it. Sure, it's not like each and every book I get my hand on turns out to be the best published work in the world, but it's good to feel the workings of the funny device inside my cranium. Once in a while it does take a little bit of re reading to grasp something, given the distractions at hand. The speed has definitely taken a beating too. But hey, not all is lost. It's a wonderful world, the world of books.
If you have a cold, passive smoking will destroy you. If you can't avoid it, at least make sure you don't wash your hair in cold water. Forget nose block, sneezing or throat pain, it is the loss of the sense of taste that's the most painful. We take our sense of smell and taste for granted. Imagine eating five different things, but being able to judge only the difference in texture. It's as bad as being colour blind, if not worse. Stay healthy people.
Which reminds me, I find it quite difficult to believe that man has traveled to the moon (and back, if you were to listen to Savage Garden) but is still unable to find a remedy, or at least ease the symptoms of the common cold. I am not asking you to cure cancer, spread world peace or walk on water. I just want you to tell me that this can be done. Forget anti matter, give me anti splatter.
The easiest way to know if he/she is serious - See if you are introduced to the friends. Forget family, they come much later. If you are introduced to the "gang", its on. Why did I suddenly think of it? Well, I promised you random, didn't I? Word of caution: if you have been at the other end of sweet nothings but still don't what the best friend looks like, move on.
All good things to eat are short words. Really, think about it. The three words that come to my mind are pizza, cake and coffee. Fine, you got me there. You don't eat coffee. But you get my point, don't you. Half the fun goes away if you spend fifteen minutes trying to pronounce it. Try ordering "croissant, on the go". That's why all of us love "puff" so much. And eggs. And Maggi. "Oh, there's nothing to eat, do you wanna have the instant-noodles-that-can-be-prepared-in-2-minutes?" I don't think so.
Google has spoiled all of us. I remember the time when the Encyclopaedia used to be the last word on everything. When you needed to look a word up, you got up, you went to fetch either the pocket dictionary or if you wanted to know some examples along with the pronunciation, you went to fetch the big daddy of dictionaries. It weighs at least 2 kilos. So once you had it on your tiny lap, you thought "oh what the hell, might as well look up some more words". Now, you just find an obscure link and prove to everyone that the way you say it is right. Stupid internet.
If you want to get a "hostelite"(people who don't live with their families) to get all emotional, play either of these songs - Purani Jeans/Yaaron Dosti/ Pal/Yaadein. Serious faces, tight body language, uncomfortable silence guaranteed. If there is alcohol in the vicinity, expect water works too. Disclaimer: listener must be fluent in Hindi.
I am back to the world of books and loving it. Sure, it's not like each and every book I get my hand on turns out to be the best published work in the world, but it's good to feel the workings of the funny device inside my cranium. Once in a while it does take a little bit of re reading to grasp something, given the distractions at hand. The speed has definitely taken a beating too. But hey, not all is lost. It's a wonderful world, the world of books.
If you have a cold, passive smoking will destroy you. If you can't avoid it, at least make sure you don't wash your hair in cold water. Forget nose block, sneezing or throat pain, it is the loss of the sense of taste that's the most painful. We take our sense of smell and taste for granted. Imagine eating five different things, but being able to judge only the difference in texture. It's as bad as being colour blind, if not worse. Stay healthy people.
Which reminds me, I find it quite difficult to believe that man has traveled to the moon (and back, if you were to listen to Savage Garden) but is still unable to find a remedy, or at least ease the symptoms of the common cold. I am not asking you to cure cancer, spread world peace or walk on water. I just want you to tell me that this can be done. Forget anti matter, give me anti splatter.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Of stripes
Did you guys see? He is dead. Yes, the big tiger that had been scaring the wits out of a particular government in the land of the Ravana. Honestly, I never knew what the big deal was about. I do take some interest in current affairs but this issue was always, I don't know how to put it, well, boring. If a squabble(usage of this word might offend few of you out there, bite me) goes on for so many years, the onlookers do get tired of it, don't they?
But this blog hasn't been composed to discuss the politics or the current situation in our neighbouring country. What I do intend to discuss is how I felt when I first saw the news on tv. Other than shock. Why shocked? Did I not expect him to ever get caught? Of course I did, after a certain point every place in the hide and seek game gets exposed. So it was inevitable. The shock was at the swollen face with the bullet in his head. You see a pic of a stout man wearing funky military camouflage uniform, posing like it's his 10th birthday, in the morning. By evening, that very man lies dead, with the news channels making sure that every 3.798 seconds the particular visual is flashed.
The next reaction was obviously sadness. Death isn't a pleasant thought, no matter who suffers it. It was followed by regret. Yes. Regret. For the simple reason that another "icon"(again, readers, easy with the flaming torches) of our generation is no more. Confused? It's simple. Throughout our lives, we have certain constants. These constants are outside of our family and friends, of course. Constants like Veerappan, Yaseer Arafat, the Pope (old one, I still expect the hunchbacked form to appear instead of Benedict) and the greedy Bangalore auto driver.
You have grown up with these people. Even if they weren't there, physically, they were part of the process. A smuggler was synonymous with Veerappan, anyone with a weird moustache was compared to him. When you spoke about godmen, Chandraswamy's personality came to mind. Fraud makes you think about Harshad Mehta. No one says "tomboy" better than Kiran Bedi. Geek stands for Bill Gates(I mean even if he ends up owning the universe, he won't give up those glasses!). "Break dance"(to us Indians) cannot be performed better than Michael Jackson. Quizzing is Derek O Brien. I think you get the drift. Constants, all of them. One by one, fading away.
You can't help it, isn't this how life works? So you move on. You look for new icons, reluctantly. Look around. Foot in mouth has a new ambassador, George Bush. Cricket commentary makes one think of the charming, smiling, Harsha Bhogle. Attention deprivation has the face of Navjot Singh Sidhu. A ladyboy is Bobby Darling and a ladyboy lookalike to woman like is Rakhi Sawant(cosmetic surgery-jai ho!). And so, the constants change(hunh..oxymoron).
Change - heavy, noisy and always in demand.
But this blog hasn't been composed to discuss the politics or the current situation in our neighbouring country. What I do intend to discuss is how I felt when I first saw the news on tv. Other than shock. Why shocked? Did I not expect him to ever get caught? Of course I did, after a certain point every place in the hide and seek game gets exposed. So it was inevitable. The shock was at the swollen face with the bullet in his head. You see a pic of a stout man wearing funky military camouflage uniform, posing like it's his 10th birthday, in the morning. By evening, that very man lies dead, with the news channels making sure that every 3.798 seconds the particular visual is flashed.
The next reaction was obviously sadness. Death isn't a pleasant thought, no matter who suffers it. It was followed by regret. Yes. Regret. For the simple reason that another "icon"(again, readers, easy with the flaming torches) of our generation is no more. Confused? It's simple. Throughout our lives, we have certain constants. These constants are outside of our family and friends, of course. Constants like Veerappan, Yaseer Arafat, the Pope (old one, I still expect the hunchbacked form to appear instead of Benedict) and the greedy Bangalore auto driver.
You have grown up with these people. Even if they weren't there, physically, they were part of the process. A smuggler was synonymous with Veerappan, anyone with a weird moustache was compared to him. When you spoke about godmen, Chandraswamy's personality came to mind. Fraud makes you think about Harshad Mehta. No one says "tomboy" better than Kiran Bedi. Geek stands for Bill Gates(I mean even if he ends up owning the universe, he won't give up those glasses!). "Break dance"(to us Indians) cannot be performed better than Michael Jackson. Quizzing is Derek O Brien. I think you get the drift. Constants, all of them. One by one, fading away.
You can't help it, isn't this how life works? So you move on. You look for new icons, reluctantly. Look around. Foot in mouth has a new ambassador, George Bush. Cricket commentary makes one think of the charming, smiling, Harsha Bhogle. Attention deprivation has the face of Navjot Singh Sidhu. A ladyboy is Bobby Darling and a ladyboy lookalike to woman like is Rakhi Sawant(cosmetic surgery-jai ho!). And so, the constants change(hunh..oxymoron).
Change - heavy, noisy and always in demand.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Recede
Tough times are upon us people. I will be honest with you, since that is the equation that has been set between us since the birth of this blog. Due to trouble in Uncle Sam's homeland, we are slowly seeing trouble come to our shores. In fact, times are so bad that I have started working hard. Yes, you can panic now. That is precisely the reason why this wonderful corner of my mind has been left to fend for its own. I haven't forgotten about it, not yet.
Before I go, here's a word of advice - practice safe employment. Use discretion, it works 99% of the time.
- Every time I get a call from an unknown number, I get a mild panic attack. I wonder if it is the HRD asking me to "step out of the cubicle" for a quick rendezvous. That's how it happened with the others.
- I feel like changing my Orkut, Gtalk, Facebook, Twitter and what have you not statuses to "Still Employed". At least people won't have to gingerly start a conversation with "how are you? how's work?". I know what you want to ask.
- The level of paranoia is so high right now that my mailbox, at any given time, has barely one or two unread mails, that too related to work! I mean, where are the scores of forwards that used to flood my inbox daily? It has come to such a point that I wouldn't mind the really irritating "Gooooood Morrninggggg" mails, replete with sparkles, butterflies and (*ugh*) animated babies.
- Is it just me or has the crowd started thinning down at work? That's not a good sign. Nowadays, I get a full seat to myself in the company bus! No wait, maybe those are the days I forget to spray on my deodorant. Oh yeah..
- Every morning at work, at the Coffee Day outlet, there used to be this bunch of managers and senior managers, chatting away to glory and probably making fun of us blue collar job holders. Nowadays, it is so deserted that you can hear the theme of some western movie playing in the background with a ball of hay rolling about.
- My relatives, whose favourite topic used to be the shame brought upon the family due the marriage of some distant cousin to some fellow from another caste, are discussing economics! Just recently an aunt of mine remarked how she isn't going to buy any more jewelry, taking into consideration the "prevalent market conditions".
- The only people left unaffected by it all are the auto drivers. They don't care if people are cutting back on expenses and that translates to lesser earnings for them. They still stand by their principles - despite times of trouble, keep demanding double. I wonder if they have something similar to Hippocrates oath, when they take this profession up. The Hypocrite's oath? Never mind, bad one.
Before I go, here's a word of advice - practice safe employment. Use discretion, it works 99% of the time.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Faithless
This one is addressed to all the people like my noble friend here. This is to bring to your notice that atheists are not crazy people. This topic came up when I casually mentioned that my mom plays the Vishnu sahasranam and the Suprabhatam on the computer every morning. It was met with a strong "and you tolerate it?" question.
Yes, I do. I am an atheist, not a crazy person:
1. I don't unpray every night. I don't go to bed thinking thoughts like "God, you don't exist and here's me unpraying to you".
2. Just because you have an answer for everything as God, doesn't mean I need to have one too. I have not figured out how this universe works.
3. Don't expect me to talk about aliens building the pyramids or whales ruling the world.
4. I don't go upto priests in temples and tell them that they should stop misleading the poor people.
5. I don't throw away prasad offered to me, out of spite. I don't even refuse it. The difference lies in the fact that you revere it, I don't.
6. I know a lot about the Bhagwad Gita, Ramayan, Mahabharat. I know the Hanuman Chalisa by rote. I find Indian mythology one of the most fascinating that I have ever come across. "Mythology" - notice that?
7. I don't want to prove anyone wrong or myself right. I am very comfortable with your beliefs, just let me be with lack of mine.
8. There was no drastic event that made me think or not believe in this manner. My dog didn't die in front of my eyes, my grandparents weren't wronged by a Bishop and neither did I meet with an accident that changed my life. I have led a pretty much nondescript life.
9. When forced to go to a temple or attend a religious cenremony, I swallow my ego and pretend. I don't create a scene shouting "But what about Darwin's theory, hunh?". My peace of mind and of those around me holds high priority to me.
10. I don't go about telling people that I am an atheist. This is the only place where I have talked so much about it. Most of my friends happen to discover it. Some of them still don't know. Talking about it makes me uncomfortable, only because I know I'll be cornered with "oh so you think you know everything?" and descriptions of "miracles".
Before I wrap this up, let me just leave behind a few words that came to my mind when I was walking back home today, thanks to the roadblock caused by a temple near the area where I live-"I understand faith, I just don't understand religion".
Yes, I do. I am an atheist, not a crazy person:
1. I don't unpray every night. I don't go to bed thinking thoughts like "God, you don't exist and here's me unpraying to you".
2. Just because you have an answer for everything as God, doesn't mean I need to have one too. I have not figured out how this universe works.
3. Don't expect me to talk about aliens building the pyramids or whales ruling the world.
4. I don't go upto priests in temples and tell them that they should stop misleading the poor people.
5. I don't throw away prasad offered to me, out of spite. I don't even refuse it. The difference lies in the fact that you revere it, I don't.
6. I know a lot about the Bhagwad Gita, Ramayan, Mahabharat. I know the Hanuman Chalisa by rote. I find Indian mythology one of the most fascinating that I have ever come across. "Mythology" - notice that?
7. I don't want to prove anyone wrong or myself right. I am very comfortable with your beliefs, just let me be with lack of mine.
8. There was no drastic event that made me think or not believe in this manner. My dog didn't die in front of my eyes, my grandparents weren't wronged by a Bishop and neither did I meet with an accident that changed my life. I have led a pretty much nondescript life.
9. When forced to go to a temple or attend a religious cenremony, I swallow my ego and pretend. I don't create a scene shouting "But what about Darwin's theory, hunh?". My peace of mind and of those around me holds high priority to me.
10. I don't go about telling people that I am an atheist. This is the only place where I have talked so much about it. Most of my friends happen to discover it. Some of them still don't know. Talking about it makes me uncomfortable, only because I know I'll be cornered with "oh so you think you know everything?" and descriptions of "miracles".
Before I wrap this up, let me just leave behind a few words that came to my mind when I was walking back home today, thanks to the roadblock caused by a temple near the area where I live-"I understand faith, I just don't understand religion".
Saturday, March 7, 2009
The fine print
My dear friends, I have some shocking news. No, I have not been offered a reality show about underpaid-yet-grinning-like-they-have- it-all-confused-IT person (catchy title eh?). What I do have, is the contract that reality show producers offer their contractees or rather the participants of the show in question. For the benefit of all, I shall list them down here:
1. The participant shall, at no point during the show, be nice or say nice things to a fellow participant.
2. The participant should know at least five words of obscenity, preferably in the language that the show is in. If a participant is found lacking in this regard, he/she should hire a tutor prior to the shooting and get trained in swear/curse words as soon as possible.
3. The participant has to use the F word, irrespective of the fact that they may not mean what it means, at least once in five sentences. While mouthing it, the participant must make sure that they are facing the camera and the lips movement is vivid enough to be explanatory about the swear word's nature.
4. The participant must be capable of crying at the drop of a hat (or any other more suitable piece of clothing). If required, the show producers have to be informed in advance to help the participant in this regard, who will duly run the clips of puppies drowning, babies overdosing or any other helpful clip, on the teleprompter.
5. The participant must be fluent in fake accents. A knowledge of English is not necessary, but that of an English accent is. The show producers reserve the right to expel any participant who gives away a normal accent, accompanied by the customary terrible grammar.
6. The participant must have at least one poor/dying/disabled/terminally ill/ugly family member who will sign another contract allowing the cameramen to shoot them at tilted angles in sepia/black and white/negative mode.
7. The participant will not at any point during the show hide their ethnicity or balk at asking only certain sections of the country to vote for them. A sense of nationality is highly frowned upon and is most definitely not encouraged.
8. The participant will not refuse intervention by the make up artists to magically lighten the participant's skin colour.
9. The participant will wear anything and everything that is dug out by the stylists of the show, even if it includes carrying off silk/satin offshoulder/strapless gowns in the middle of summer.
10. The participant will submit, along with a few other documents mentioned in a separate letter, their dignity to the producers of this show.
There are many such clauses in the contract. Due to some special reasons, which include possible boredom on the part of the reader, I have reproduced here, only the ten important. Point to be noted: the contract may vary from one show to another but this format is largely followed by most shows that have young 18 to twenty somethings as the participants.
1. The participant shall, at no point during the show, be nice or say nice things to a fellow participant.
2. The participant should know at least five words of obscenity, preferably in the language that the show is in. If a participant is found lacking in this regard, he/she should hire a tutor prior to the shooting and get trained in swear/curse words as soon as possible.
3. The participant has to use the F word, irrespective of the fact that they may not mean what it means, at least once in five sentences. While mouthing it, the participant must make sure that they are facing the camera and the lips movement is vivid enough to be explanatory about the swear word's nature.
4. The participant must be capable of crying at the drop of a hat (or any other more suitable piece of clothing). If required, the show producers have to be informed in advance to help the participant in this regard, who will duly run the clips of puppies drowning, babies overdosing or any other helpful clip, on the teleprompter.
5. The participant must be fluent in fake accents. A knowledge of English is not necessary, but that of an English accent is. The show producers reserve the right to expel any participant who gives away a normal accent, accompanied by the customary terrible grammar.
6. The participant must have at least one poor/dying/disabled/terminally ill/ugly family member who will sign another contract allowing the cameramen to shoot them at tilted angles in sepia/black and white/negative mode.
7. The participant will not at any point during the show hide their ethnicity or balk at asking only certain sections of the country to vote for them. A sense of nationality is highly frowned upon and is most definitely not encouraged.
8. The participant will not refuse intervention by the make up artists to magically lighten the participant's skin colour.
9. The participant will wear anything and everything that is dug out by the stylists of the show, even if it includes carrying off silk/satin offshoulder/strapless gowns in the middle of summer.
10. The participant will submit, along with a few other documents mentioned in a separate letter, their dignity to the producers of this show.
There are many such clauses in the contract. Due to some special reasons, which include possible boredom on the part of the reader, I have reproduced here, only the ten important. Point to be noted: the contract may vary from one show to another but this format is largely followed by most shows that have young 18 to twenty somethings as the participants.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Valentine's Day special
Valentine's Day is just around the corner. Personally, I don't believe in the whole concept and know it very well for what it is-one of the most clever and well thought of marketing strategies. Yet, I also believe in personal freedom. Don't worry, this isn't one of the countless tirades against the cowardly man(?) and his burden on this earth goons. What this is, is a prediction of the things to come:
Children's Day: Even though this day is celebrated as a tribute to the first Prime Minister of India, it is just a matter of time before they come up with a theory that since he was born in the times of the British, his birthday is a western concept. So any kids found roaming on the streets that day will be forced to join the closest school. It does not matter if the kids already attend one, and in any case if they are from a particular school, what were they doing outside, anyway? On second thoughts, this isn't a bad idea, if such a situation arises, tons of underprivileged kids might finally have that shot at education.
Mother's Day, Father's Day, Parents' Day: "Why do we need special days to appreciate our parents? This is against Indian culture!" Yes, who decides which day is to celebrated as parents' day? I mean, if you are so keen, go look up which day Shravana Kumar was born and we shall all celebrate it by carrying our parents on weighing balances! So any adults or kids found with a woman or man who is older than them will have to be forcefully adopted by the same. There is no other way to tackle this menace. If you are cheap enough to respect elders other than your parents, you deserve to be punished through adoption!
Teacher's Day: Again, as of now this day is celebrated in India as a remembrance to the first Vice President of India. But if you missed the logic in Children's Day, let me remind you, he was born during the British rule! To add to it, he (to quote Wiki) "he introduced Western idealism into Indian philosophy". Oh my God, people! Do you see what they are upto? They did this to us and we did not even realise it! Down with the Western idealism(whatever that is supposed to mean)! Any student found giving flowers, cards will have to pay for their actions by taking an impromptu test and any function felicitating teachers shall be broken entry into!
New Year's Day: January 1st is celebrated the world over as New Year's day. It is the first day of the Gregorian calendar. Who is this fellow Gregory? We don't know any Gregory! Why should he be the one who dictates when the new year begins? Unless it is some Giridhari who has taken on this Western name, we will not adhere to it! Despite the fact that every state in India has its own beliefs, rituals and its own version of the new year, we will not bow down to Western pressures and participate in harmless revelry! Mobs will be mobilised to crack down on all new year celebrations on Jan 1 and everyone will be made to change the dates on their mobiles phones, computers and any other device which bears the new year in their systems.
Happy Valentine's Day India.
Children's Day: Even though this day is celebrated as a tribute to the first Prime Minister of India, it is just a matter of time before they come up with a theory that since he was born in the times of the British, his birthday is a western concept. So any kids found roaming on the streets that day will be forced to join the closest school. It does not matter if the kids already attend one, and in any case if they are from a particular school, what were they doing outside, anyway? On second thoughts, this isn't a bad idea, if such a situation arises, tons of underprivileged kids might finally have that shot at education.
Mother's Day, Father's Day, Parents' Day: "Why do we need special days to appreciate our parents? This is against Indian culture!" Yes, who decides which day is to celebrated as parents' day? I mean, if you are so keen, go look up which day Shravana Kumar was born and we shall all celebrate it by carrying our parents on weighing balances! So any adults or kids found with a woman or man who is older than them will have to be forcefully adopted by the same. There is no other way to tackle this menace. If you are cheap enough to respect elders other than your parents, you deserve to be punished through adoption!
Teacher's Day: Again, as of now this day is celebrated in India as a remembrance to the first Vice President of India. But if you missed the logic in Children's Day, let me remind you, he was born during the British rule! To add to it, he (to quote Wiki) "he introduced Western idealism into Indian philosophy". Oh my God, people! Do you see what they are upto? They did this to us and we did not even realise it! Down with the Western idealism(whatever that is supposed to mean)! Any student found giving flowers, cards will have to pay for their actions by taking an impromptu test and any function felicitating teachers shall be broken entry into!
New Year's Day: January 1st is celebrated the world over as New Year's day. It is the first day of the Gregorian calendar. Who is this fellow Gregory? We don't know any Gregory! Why should he be the one who dictates when the new year begins? Unless it is some Giridhari who has taken on this Western name, we will not adhere to it! Despite the fact that every state in India has its own beliefs, rituals and its own version of the new year, we will not bow down to Western pressures and participate in harmless revelry! Mobs will be mobilised to crack down on all new year celebrations on Jan 1 and everyone will be made to change the dates on their mobiles phones, computers and any other device which bears the new year in their systems.
Happy Valentine's Day India.
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