Book Review: The Lost Symbol

WARNING: THIS BLOGPOST CONTAINS A LOT, IF NOT MOST OF THE KEY SPOILERS FROM THE BOOK. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ IT ALREADY, THE TIME TO CLOSE THIS WINDOW IS NOW!

You have been warned.

I don't know how to begin. Perhaps a little background would do. I have read 4 out of Dan Brown's 5 published book. So, I think I am in a comfortable position to do this. If you don't know already, the book is based on the one of the most powerful (cults?)societies in USA - the Freemasons. I will not go on to list each and every twist and turn in the plotline in the book, but I will list down the points which did not make this book all that "awesome" for me:

1. One of the most important ones: the focus on USA. Yes, Brown is an American author. I understand that. But he went overboard here. He just about stopped short of shouting or rather printing from the rooftops that USA is the greatest nation in the world. Maybe it had something to do with his target readers. But what it does to the rest of us, the non American readers is to make us sigh and groan "This again? don't we have enough Hollywood movies doing that?"

2. Too much lecturing. We all know that Robert Langdon is a lecturer, but apparently, so is Dan Brown. The overdose of philosophy (is that the right word?) in the book becomes overbearing after a certain point. Many authors have understated messages in their narration. But it is bearable when it is understated and subtle. In The Lost Symbol, there were moments when I got fed up of it and skipped those paragraphs. It isn't just a few lines, he preaches in paragraphs, one after another. We all know we live in troubled times yada yada now can we get back to the plot please!. If I want to ponder about these things, I will pick up a book along those lines. I expect fiction interspersed with startling facts, mythology from Dan Brown, not a lecture on the greater good, truth, good and evil, etc.

3. Too much spirituality/religion. Before you say it, yes I know that was the whole premise of The Da Vinci Code. But that was different. It was crucial to the plot of the book and we discovered some amazing lore/legends and that was combined with the main storyline. The end result was spectacular. The same doesn't happen here. I don't know if Dan Brown is trying to make amends or get back on good terms with the Church but that is what it seems like. He hasn't glorified the church but he has gone to lengths defending the Bible and glorifying it. I can point out quite a few instances when it seems to be a pathetic attempt at pacification. Whatever the reason may be, he has played it really safe this time around.

4. The basic premise. Yeah, I know this should have come right on top. I cannot bring myself to believe even a little bit of the basic premise, on which this book carries its story forward. One bit that refuses to get out of my mind is the experiment that Katherine Solomon conducts, which helps her in measuring the weight of the human soul. Oh please! No matter how much I tell myself to have an open mind about it, I refuse to digest this piece. I am going to look up Noetic Science but I doubt if that's going to change my opinion at all. When we read a book, we surrender our minds to the author, allowing him to shape our thoughts in his/her way, making us see things that only he/she would have seen till now. But we have a limit. I know when you are bullshitting me.

5. If you have read The Count of Monte Cristo or seen even a few Hindi movies, you know within the few lines where he talks about Zachary Solomon that its Mal'akh. So that eliminates the surprise factor. Fine, that was just a minor glitch. Next up is the "threat to national security" angle that Sato plays and is the reason the CIA is involved in this treasure hunt in the first place. A few individuals captured on camera performing dark rituals? I am sorry, but that's the best you could come up with? Sure, since all of them are prominent American individuals, it will have a big impact, but ahem, you are afraid of a Youtube scandal? I thought CIA had better things to worry about.

I could go on and on. Sure it is an entertaining read, but it has failed on too many fronts for me to love it. It is a long read and isn't even the can't-take-your-eyes-off-it, fast paced book. It is not boring and you should definitely read it but do so with an impartial mindset. Maybe the fact that I am a skeptic and a cynical person has something to do with it but I am sorry to say that The Lost Symbol was lost on me. I am a reader who wasn't wowed, and that's the truth.

I would rate it 3/5.

Oink flew

How many of you are scared? How many of you have started wearing masks? How many of you have stopped going out to public places?

I see the situation in Pune/Mumbai, and I think it is a little scary. I see the situation in Bangalore and I find it extremely funny. Masks have become a style statement here. Or at least that's what they want it to be. To me, (to quote Red Forman), its a dumbass statement. The masks that people wear are no thicker than two tissues or maybe even toilet paper quality tissues held together. I'll come to them later, first here are a few observations that make my days:

1. People will not give up on malls. It's one thing if you are working there. You should, in that case take all precautions. But it's another, that you go there, out of your own will and reason and then pretend that you are scared for your life. Some may argue that it is to keep the spirits high, how long can you stay at home? Well, why can't you stay at home? Malls don't provide basic facilities. You can get your provisions at the local store, barely a stone's throw away from your house and which is frequented by a fewer number of people. The only thing basic about malls is the clothing that they display on the mannequins.

2. People think they can control this virus by sheer will power. How else do you explain a lady, standing in the queue to buy movie tickets, totally unprotected. 5 min later, same lady, one row up ahead, taking out the aforementioned tissue thin, useless, streetside, sold for 10 Rs. mask and wearing it. You see, she couldn't catch the virus standing next to scores of people where her face was exposed to all and sundry! No Sirree Bob! It is only in the dark confines of the theater, once she is settled in, and is sure that no one can spot her with the hideous thing on her mouth, that the virus will think to themselves "hey, she is well equipped now, so let us attack the others!".

3. Mobile - check, wallet - check, sunglasses - check, silly mask - check. This other incident is directed at those of you who have made a mockery of this whole thing. You buy these surgical kind masks, not even knowing that the only thing they can protect you from is probably dust, or if the material is too cheap, just dirt and then wear it all over the town, apparently very proud of your responsible behaviour. You get on Brigade/MG road (places in Bangalore where people get dressed up to walk, randomly, for no reason) and you see this girl, stylishly attired, wearing a tank top, snug pair of jeans, hair let loose, sunglasses on even though it's past 7 p.m. and of course, a mask. She has the air of a princess who is walking amongst the commons. She has a green cloth over her mouth, surely no virus can harm her now!

4. The smelly cats. Have you received the forwards about how some drops of oil on your handkerchief will magically keep you safe? These are the people who overdo it. They bathe in these oils, probably after brushing their teeth with it, spraying it on their whole body, massaging it into their hair and using it in their car as fresheners and sometimes maybe even washing their clothes in it. Nilgiri/Eucalyptus oil is the new Dettol. Thanks to them, a closed space smells like a dirty, shady high-on-dope-and-suggest-this-oil-for-all-treatments-sadhu's abode.

5. The conspiracy theorists. My favourite people! Don't they make every problem so much fun to deal with! I mean who cares if it is a medical condition which may get out of hand if not dealt with properly, all these people want to do is point fingers at the government/s and demand answers.
"Last year we had Avian Flu and this year it is Swine Flu. If birds and pigs cannot be trusted, what is the government doing about it?".
"Michael Jackson, who is 'so called dead', mated his chimpanzee, who has AIDS with Tiger Prabhakar's pet pig, who if sources are to be believed, is half Tamilian and half Sinhalese(the pig, not Tiger) to produce this virus so that people are so distracted that his "death" is not looked into. This project is partly funded by Tupac and Osama Bin Laden."

Before I end this piece, let me make it clear. I am not ridiculing the disease, it is a very serious business and people have unnecessarily lost lives to it. I am ridiculing dumb people. If you want to be safe, do what I do - stay AWAY from those disease carrying germs on kids and preggies!

P.S.: Almost forgot, my pic came in Deccan Chronicles. Yay! Before you start assuming, not because of this blog or any book offer. Hell no!

Ugh..People!

I am in a very strange mood right now. I am so tired of people, in general. I am tired of greeting people, I am tired of looking at people, I am tired of talking to people and I am most definitely tired of making conversation with people!

This isn't about what people think. No, that has got nothing to do with it. It is just that right now, it just seems to be that there are too many people around me. There are times that I just want to walk into a place and not be spoken to. Just do away with the formalities, go on, ignore me. But more than that, what I really want is to be able to walk into a conversation and walk out when I want to. No special reason. Not because the person disgusts me or the topic is getting out of hand. Just that I just don't want to be a part of it. Just like that.

I am not a loner. Far from it, actually. I don't like being alone. But there are times I feel strangely suffocated, suffocated by people around me. You need to know what everyone is doing, everyone needs to know what you are doing, you ask them, they ask you, you make them acquainted with more people, they make you acquainted with more people. People, people, people. It's a circle that keeps expanding and some believe that bigger the circle is, more "popular" you are.

But don't believe what they say. Bigger your circle, more people there are to keep tabs on, to keep getting mixed with, to keep talking about. It never ends. There comes a point that you hit saturation and just want to forget all these people! Make them go away from your memories, make them strange faces you look at, once again. Make them strangers, people you didn't know, people you didn't want to know. Just random faces, people who know very few of your people.

Before you get me wrong, this isn't about friends. I have few friends. I am not one of those people who label acquaintances as friends. So we are good, this isn't about friends. Did I just say that again?

This is about people - so many of them! And ironically, I have posted this on my blog, where more people will read it. Great, just great.

sPillover

I wouldn't have believed you if you would have told me a few years earlier that my threshold of pain would go down, slowly. You see, I am the kind of person who doesn't believe in pills. I mean, it's not like I refuse to believe that medicine works, that small quantities of certain chemicals will in turn take care of certain chemicals in my body and magically, things will be better. Phew. No, that's not what I mean.

What I do mean is..wait, let me illustrate it with the help of a story. A very long time ago, there used to be a little girl. A delicate little girl, who used to fall ill at the drop of a hat. Her parents wouldn't let her take allopathy treatment as they were scared of the side effects. So throughout her life she was used to taking these small balls of sugar. And they worked, placebo effect or not.

Then one fine day, the girl happened to watch a movie. A very average, if not below, Hindi movie. It starred Salman Khan and umm..Revathi? Well, to cut a long story short, which unfortunately they didnt, the climax of the scene involved the girl getting into a macabre accident i.e. glass piercing through her abdomen. No medicines would work on her as since childhood she used to pop those evil tablets and capsules, for no reason, even if she was hale and hearty. So scientifically they explained in the movie, that it lead to a lower immunity and no medicines would work on her.

This was during the times I did not even know the spelling of the word paranoia. But set in, it did. Since that time, I had vowed to never be so stupid, I mean what if glass or any other sharp object for that matter went through my abdomen or any other part of the body for that matter! So I avoided pills whenever I could. Incredible pain, terrible flu, high fever, any kind of ailment and my treatment would be to sleep it off. For milder cases, it worked. When it got really severe, to the point that maybe my survival depended on it, I would resort to pills.

But as Murphy, my best friend, was watching all of this, I think somewhere he gave a sinister laugh. He also gave me acne problem. And it was the kind of problem that doesn't go away with clean and clear. There were pills, capsules, tablets, colourful, stinky, long, small, you imagine it, I have taken it. But one good thing came out of it - I outgrew my paranoia, to a certain extent. Pills weren't so bad. Pills are good, if taken in normal quantities.

Alas! With these positive changes, came the negative. My will power, strengthened by my paranoia in the bygone years, has gone down considerably. Ok, maybe you are wondering what kind of a psycho would willingly want to suffer, when in pain. Good point. But it's not easy to explain. Let me put it this way - nowadays, if I am in pain, the first thought I get is where the painkiller is. If it's a cold, I want to reach out for the tablet that in the advertisements sends a golden light through your oesophagus and magically cures it.

Fear, in the right amount and at the right time, can serve us well. I need to be afraid. Someone please show me a news link of a woman/man who developed 15 butts as a side effect from taking medicines for common ailments. Maybe that will help me snap out of this.

This and That

Since it takes quite an effort and patience to actually come out with something that makes sense, here's a compilation of random thoughts that I would like to put down here for posterity:

The easiest way to know if he/she is serious - See if you are introduced to the friends. Forget family, they come much later. If you are introduced to the "gang", its on. Why did I suddenly think of it? Well, I promised you random, didn't I? Word of caution: if you have been at the other end of sweet nothings but still don't what the best friend looks like, move on.

All good things to eat are short words. Really, think about it. The three words that come to my mind are pizza, cake and coffee. Fine, you got me there. You don't eat coffee. But you get my point, don't you. Half the fun goes away if you spend fifteen minutes trying to pronounce it. Try ordering "croissant, on the go". That's why all of us love "puff" so much. And eggs. And Maggi. "Oh, there's nothing to eat, do you wanna have the instant-noodles-that-can-be-prepared-in-2-minutes?" I don't think so.

Google has spoiled all of us. I remember the time when the Encyclopaedia used to be the last word on everything. When you needed to look a word up, you got up, you went to fetch either the pocket dictionary or if you wanted to know some examples along with the pronunciation, you went to fetch the big daddy of dictionaries. It weighs at least 2 kilos. So once you had it on your tiny lap, you thought "oh what the hell, might as well look up some more words". Now, you just find an obscure link and prove to everyone that the way you say it is right. Stupid internet.

If you want to get a "hostelite"(people who don't live with their families) to get all emotional, play either of these songs - Purani Jeans/Yaaron Dosti/ Pal/Yaadein. Serious faces, tight body language, uncomfortable silence guaranteed. If there is alcohol in the vicinity, expect water works too. Disclaimer: listener must be fluent in Hindi.

I am back to the world of books and loving it. Sure, it's not like each and every book I get my hand on turns out to be the best published work in the world, but it's good to feel the workings of the funny device inside my cranium. Once in a while it does take a little bit of re reading to grasp something, given the distractions at hand. The speed has definitely taken a beating too. But hey, not all is lost. It's a wonderful world, the world of books.

If you have a cold, passive smoking will destroy you. If you can't avoid it, at least make sure you don't wash your hair in cold water. Forget nose block, sneezing or throat pain, it is the loss of the sense of taste that's the most painful. We take our sense of smell and taste for granted. Imagine eating five different things, but being able to judge only the difference in texture. It's as bad as being colour blind, if not worse. Stay healthy people.

Which reminds me, I find it quite difficult to believe that man has traveled to the moon (and back, if you were to listen to Savage Garden) but is still unable to find a remedy, or at least ease the symptoms of the common cold. I am not asking you to cure cancer, spread world peace or walk on water. I just want you to tell me that this can be done. Forget anti matter, give me anti splatter.

Of stripes

Did you guys see? He is dead. Yes, the big tiger that had been scaring the wits out of a particular government in the land of the Ravana. Honestly, I never knew what the big deal was about. I do take some interest in current affairs but this issue was always, I don't know how to put it, well, boring. If a squabble(usage of this word might offend few of you out there, bite me) goes on for so many years, the onlookers do get tired of it, don't they?

But this blog hasn't been composed to discuss the politics or the current situation in our neighbouring country. What I do intend to discuss is how I felt when I first saw the news on tv. Other than shock. Why shocked? Did I not expect him to ever get caught? Of course I did, after a certain point every place in the hide and seek game gets exposed. So it was inevitable. The shock was at the swollen face with the bullet in his head. You see a pic of a stout man wearing funky military camouflage uniform, posing like it's his 10th birthday, in the morning. By evening, that very man lies dead, with the news channels making sure that every 3.798 seconds the particular visual is flashed.

The next reaction was obviously sadness. Death isn't a pleasant thought, no matter who suffers it. It was followed by regret. Yes. Regret. For the simple reason that another "icon"(again, readers, easy with the flaming torches) of our generation is no more. Confused? It's simple. Throughout our lives, we have certain constants. These constants are outside of our family and friends, of course. Constants like Veerappan, Yaseer Arafat, the Pope (old one, I still expect the hunchbacked form to appear instead of Benedict) and the greedy Bangalore auto driver.

You have grown up with these people. Even if they weren't there, physically, they were part of the process. A smuggler was synonymous with Veerappan, anyone with a weird moustache was compared to him. When you spoke about godmen, Chandraswamy's personality came to mind. Fraud makes you think about Harshad Mehta. No one says "tomboy" better than Kiran Bedi. Geek stands for Bill Gates(I mean even if he ends up owning the universe, he won't give up those glasses!). "Break dance"(to us Indians) cannot be performed better than Michael Jackson. Quizzing is Derek O Brien. I think you get the drift. Constants, all of them. One by one, fading away.

You can't help it, isn't this how life works? So you move on. You look for new icons, reluctantly. Look around. Foot in mouth has a new ambassador, George Bush. Cricket commentary makes one think of the charming, smiling, Harsha Bhogle. Attention deprivation has the face of Navjot Singh Sidhu. A ladyboy is Bobby Darling and a ladyboy lookalike to woman like is Rakhi Sawant(cosmetic surgery-jai ho!). And so, the constants change(hunh..oxymoron).

Change - heavy, noisy and always in demand.

Recede

Tough times are upon us people. I will be honest with you, since that is the equation that has been set between us since the birth of this blog. Due to trouble in Uncle Sam's homeland, we are slowly seeing trouble come to our shores. In fact, times are so bad that I have started working hard. Yes, you can panic now. That is precisely the reason why this wonderful corner of my mind has been left to fend for its own. I haven't forgotten about it, not yet.

• Every time I get a call from an unknown number, I get a mild panic attack. I wonder if it is the HRD asking me to "step out of the cubicle" for a quick rendezvous. That's how it happened with the others.
  
  
• I feel like changing my Orkut, Gtalk, Facebook, Twitter and what have you not statuses to "Still Employed". At least people won't have to gingerly start a conversation with "how are you? how's work?". I know what you want to ask.
  
  
• The level of paranoia is so high right now that my mailbox, at any given time, has barely one or two unread mails, that too related to work! I mean, where are the scores of forwards that used to flood my inbox daily? It has come to such a point that I wouldn't mind the really irritating "Gooooood Morrninggggg" mails, replete with sparkles, butterflies and (*ugh*) animated babies.
  
  
• Is it just me or has the crowd started thinning down at work? That's not a good sign. Nowadays, I get a full seat to myself in the company bus! No wait, maybe those are the days I forget to spray on my deodorant. Oh yeah..
  
  
• Every morning at work, at the Coffee Day outlet, there used to be this bunch of managers and senior managers, chatting away to glory and probably making fun of us blue collar job holders. Nowadays, it is so deserted that you can hear the theme of some western movie playing in the background with a ball of hay rolling about.
  
  
• My relatives, whose favourite topic used to be the shame brought upon the family due the marriage of some distant cousin to some fellow from another caste, are discussing economics! Just recently an aunt of mine remarked how she isn't going to buy any more jewelry, taking into consideration the "prevalent market conditions".
  
  
• The only people left unaffected by it all are the auto drivers. They don't care if people are cutting back on expenses and that translates to lesser earnings for them. They still stand by their principles - despite times of trouble, keep demanding double. I wonder if they have something similar to Hippocrates oath, when they take this profession up. The Hypocrite's oath? Never mind, bad one.

Before I go, here's a word of advice - practice safe employment. Use discretion, it works 99% of the time.