Alone but not lonely

A fresh, new experience. An experience which taught me a few things. First, the background.

I was supposed to go shopping with my friend on Friday afternoon. Rain gods played havoc as usual and apparently it was raining cats and dogs where he stays. Well, what was I to do? If a girl has made up her mind to go shopping, shopping it is that she must do! I thought about it long and hard over some deliciously sinful cheese burst pizza(if gluttony is a sin, I have a reservation in hell) and reached a conclusion, I shall go alone.

I have gone window shopping all by myself before, but that was more out of compulsion than choice. When you have friends who nonchalantly claim that 1:30 means 2:00, you end up planning accordingly, planning your chores and some small work before they finally decide to turn up.

So here I was, sitting in my bus,on my way home, still considering and weighing my options. I must confess, I did try to pull in another friend but she usually takes at least half a day to get ready so that was out of the question. Oh and by the way, my bus does not go through the destination I intended to target. After much thought, I decided to take the plunge(err..melodramatic choice of words), quite literally. The bus stopped at a signal and off I jumped(hopped?). I knew it to be "somewhere close" to where I was headed to, but being Ms. No Sense of Direction, walked off in the wrong direction, all the while chatting up my friend on the phone.

A few minutes and a few unknown, unseen landmarks later, I reached the conclusion that I was lost. I mean of course I knew I was still in Bangalore and that too in a good locality to get lost in, what with some educational institutions nearby and posh flats in the vicinity, plus the fact that it was broad daylight! But still, one must accept when one is lost. So I stop in my tracks, retrace my steps to where I alighted from my company bus and do the most sensible thing for someone in my position - look confident and hail an auto.

After a pretty much nondescript ride and a shopping experience later, here are my few points of gyaan on the whole subject of shopping alone:

No pressure - there is absolutely no peer pressure when you go shopping by yourself. You don't care if you are reaching for the cheaper articles, or if the trend is out of fashion yet you like it, or someone suggest a color so ghastly you wouldn't let even your worst enemies wear it. Best part about it - the absence of the dressing room trauma. Before you start getting ideas, give your imagination some rest. I am referring to the whole process of trying out something and displaying it one by one to your friends as well as the aunties, uncles and kids near the dressing room. Oh and not to forget the "guards", who sometimes give you such looks that you know how good the item of clothing looks on you.

Independence - yes, as unlikely as it may seem, it gives you a sense of great accomplishment and independence. How? Simple. You are not depending on anyone for transportation, for starters. You are not depending on anyone for suggestions. It's all you. You are not depending on anyone for decisions. It's your money, your time. Spend it as you want. You are not depending on anyone, in case you want to leave. Since it's just you, you can leave and/or go someplace else, whenever you want and not wait for the other person's opinion(approval?).

I did buy a couple of things I had been hunting for, since long. As soon I was done, since there was no "socialising" involved, walked a bit since the weather was beautiful(and I was..err..kinda lost..again)and headed for home. Family was surprised to see me home so early and even more so when they realised where I had been(the shopping bags in my hand gave it away) and I think my mother was a little offended that I didn't ask her to come, given that I went alone. But as I told her, I was alone, but not lonely.

Get Shorty

This post is triggered by a comment from someone who met me for the first time - "you are smaller than I thought". For the record, I am all of 5 feet 2(and a half, if you don't mind) inches. That's quite bad, yes? Well no, considering how my mom is shorter than me. Everytime one of those "why me?" moments strike me, I just look at her or go stand next to her and comfort myself with the selfish thought that things could have been much worse.

My problem lay in the fact that I shot up too early. While the rest of my class still looked like they were in kindergarten, yours truly was the tallest in her class(*sigh* those were the days). My brother, who now towers more than half a foot over me, used to be shorter than me! The local bus conductors never used to believe than I am younger than 12 years of age and hence refused to part with a "half ticket", insisting on the full fare. My future looked bright(and tall?) and I was happy thinking that I had taken to my dad's side in matters of height. Little did naive old me know of the cruel trick nature had to play.

In case you didn't know, it's a cruel world out there for short people. Let me start the griping with the public transport system. I travel daily to office in the company bus, which is owned and leased by the government transport department. The buses have bars above to hold on to. Guess what, I barely reach it. So all I can do while walking down the aisle just before the bus stops and when the driver applies those oh so soft brakes, is to break my fall using the support of other seats. If and when my hands are full, I pray.

Then there are the new buses where there is a support or an extension which is to help out vertically challenged people like me. Now I am not sure which Einstein was consulted for the design but I ask you this, what is the use of such a support if it is not fixed! Instead of flying freely, now you have the choice of flying till a certain range, is that it?!

Seats are next on my list. The more comfortable the place/mode of transport is, the longer their seats will be, hence more difficult with stubby legged people like me! Tall people have legspace problem, I have hanging legs problem. My feet don't touch the ground and when they do, they fail to make contact with the leg rest provided. Solution? Sitting cross legged. Ensuing problem? Not exactly a dignified solution.

I can go on and on, but something(I think the time) tells me I should stop. Maybe in the coming years they will have customised products and facilities for short yet not dwarves or disabled people. Till that day, I have my heels to help me out.

Singleton

It's tough being single. Don't get me wrong, I love being single. Being fiercely independent, I can see no other arrangement which suits me better. But the one main flipside of being single is turning down guys. It's easy if he gets the hint when you are subtle, but if he's "one of those", chances are that the situation will get only awkward and the only way out is to be rude and direct. It's alright by me, I am as bluntly honest as can be, but I do feel bad for the other person and sometimes, get reprimanded by my friends for being too cruel.

Through this post, I take it upon myself to educate the guys out there as to how to approach a girl, or more importantly, how not to:

• Flattery- It may work with some women, but judging largely from mine and my friends' experiences, use it sparingly. Unless the girl you are going for is a bimbo, chances are that your praises might come across as mockery or sarcasm.
• Do your homework - The biggest mistake, and I really mean biggest mistake is to ask out a teetotaler for a date in a pub. Goes to show how dispensable she is to you that you did not even bother to find out her tastes and lifestyle preferences. If coffee seems too cliched and juvenile, make it at least a movie or lunch at a decent, not so expensive restaurant.
• Don't pretend - Most important point; never pretend to be someone you are not. It doesn't matter that you come across as boring or plain, at least you are being yourself. Once you start pretending, there's no going back. In any case, if you intend to get serious with her, she will one day get to know the true you(by the way, what may seem as "boring" to few, may comes across as "stable" to others). Sincerity works best. Be comfortable with your identity, it will show.
• Bottoms up approach and not the other way round - *sigh* software terms. Start building it up from scratch. Do not expect a relative stranger to say yes for a date just because you think you handled yourself "smoothly" in the messenger conversation. While we are on it - messenger? Is that the best you could do?! Let her get comfortable and acquainted with you, only then go for the hit(sheesh! I sound like a guy!).
• First impression - like it or not, it goes a long way in forming opinions about a person. If you managed to psyche her out with your mannerisms the first time you met her or were introduced to her (your state of inebriation is irrelevant), chances are that even if you are the reincarnation of Mother Teresa, she will be very skeptical about you. Lesson to be learned - be civil in strangers' presence, more so if they don't know you but you might want to know them.

Ok, I think that should do for the time being. I know it's hard enough for guys to gather up the courage to ask someone out but trust me, put a little thought into it and it shouldn't be that tough.

PS: I feel like an agony aunt now.