Sunday, March 2, 2008


It's tough being single. Don't get me wrong, I love being single. Being fiercely independent, I can see no other arrangement which suits me better. But the one main flipside of being single is turning down guys. It's easy if he gets the hint when you are subtle, but if he's "one of those", chances are that the situation will get only awkward and the only way out is to be rude and direct. It's alright by me, I am as bluntly honest as can be, but I do feel bad for the other person and sometimes, get reprimanded by my friends for being too cruel.

Through this post, I take it upon myself to educate the guys out there as to how to approach a girl, or more importantly, how not to:
  • Flattery- It may work with some women, but judging largely from mine and my friends' experiences, use it sparingly. Unless the girl you are going for is a bimbo, chances are that your praises might come across as mockery or sarcasm.
  • Do your homework - The biggest mistake, and I really mean biggest mistake is to ask out a teetotaler for a date in a pub. Goes to show how dispensable she is to you that you did not even bother to find out her tastes and lifestyle preferences. If coffee seems too cliched and juvenile, make it at least a movie or lunch at a decent, not so expensive restaurant.
  • Don't pretend - Most important point; never pretend to be someone you are not. It doesn't matter that you come across as boring or plain, at least you are being yourself. Once you start pretending, there's no going back. In any case, if you intend to get serious with her, she will one day get to know the true you(by the way, what may seem as "boring" to few, may comes across as "stable" to others). Sincerity works best. Be comfortable with your identity, it will show.
  • Bottoms up approach and not the other way round - *sigh* software terms. Start building it up from scratch. Do not expect a relative stranger to say yes for a date just because you think you handled yourself "smoothly" in the messenger conversation. While we are on it - messenger? Is that the best you could do?! Let her get comfortable and acquainted with you, only then go for the hit(sheesh! I sound like a guy!).
  • First impression - like it or not, it goes a long way in forming opinions about a person. If you managed to psyche her out with your mannerisms the first time you met her or were introduced to her (your state of inebriation is irrelevant), chances are that even if you are the reincarnation of Mother Teresa, she will be very skeptical about you. Lesson to be learned - be civil in strangers' presence, more so if they don't know you but you might want to know them.
Ok, I think that should do for the time being. I know it's hard enough for guys to gather up the courage to ask someone out but trust me, put a little thought into it and it shouldn't be that tough.

PS: I feel like an agony aunt now.


  1. Naah! Can't agree with this! I don't think 'dating rules' can be a generalized one. It depends, its more like how much you can improvise depending on the situation and your understanding with the opposite sex!
    Its not that I don't agree with the points you have put down, but just that it needn't be necessarily a genralized concept. Sometimes, a single meeting with a person can be enough and work wonders in a date, or other times, many many meetings may not conjure the desired 'understanding' and result in a disastrous date. Sometimes just a date over Koffee can be the best thing in the world, other times, a movie can turn out to be a boring date! So, basically it depends!

    Completely agree with the 'bluntly honest' part of yours!