Two to Tango

I am tired, tired of accusations, tired of being questioned and tired of giving explanations. When will people understand that I am no saint, that I do not deserve to be kept on a pedestal built of wrong expectations, to be crucified when I fall from grace, which happens ever so often nowadays.

Everyone likes to blame the other person or pass the buck when something fails, nobody realises or wants to recollect how much of it was caused by them. Conveniently turn a blind eye to your follies, as they were just trivial matters. If I don't call up, those instances will be remembered for eternity but the times I tried and failed will never be noticed. "You don't keep in touch", is what I am told. Now what I really want to know is that is it expected of me to mail, ping, call, meet each person I have come to know, every breathing hour of my life?

I am not saying that when people choose to take different paths, all contacts should be broken and that while pursuing a new life, the old one should be forgotten and discarded. But it is unreasonable to expect things to not change. Nothing lasts forever. You make do with what is left and make sure to hold on to it. Anything more than that would be, if I may say so, foolish to expect.

The thing which saddens me more than anything is to see my old friends lose that comfort zone, to feel out of place, just because "we don't have common topics to discuss anymore". Like hell we don't! It is the mental block and pre judgment which causes these fissures. I know people from my primary school years with whom I can still discuss anything under the sun! Sometimes I wonder if the reason for change in behaivour stems from insecurity and a weird possessiveness. No, I don't mean to imply that I am too precious blah blah, I am very much in touch with reality.

What I mean can be better explained like this - when you realise that someone, once close to you, is having an equally good time, if not better, with someone else, don't you experience that slight pang of jealousy? I have seen it in others' eyes, acquaintances and friends included. From there the downhill journey begins. They feel you don't need them anymore and that they are in disposable to you, now that you have "new friends".

I seriously don't know how to set such things right. I try my best to reason. If they listen, well and good. Else I let go. Yes, it is a terrible thing to do on my part but as I said initially, I am no saint.