Tailor made

Species name: Tailors

Physical Attributes: measuring tape around the neck, pair of scissors in hand, senior members usually sport a pair of went-out-of-style-in-the-70s spectacles

Characteristic features: *sigh* And thus begins the story.

Why is it that everything associated with women in this world is cursed, one way or the other? Melodrama aside, think about it. I won't get into the dirty details but just focus my energy at one of them. Every woman has a different shape, and by every, I mean it. OK agreed, largely classified you have the usual small, medium and large. Sounds like you are ordering soft drink from the ridiculously over priced multiplexes, but never mind that. So anyone who wants a piece of garment to not look like the tent used at the cheaply organised festivals and functions, goes to a tailor.

You can imagine then what percentage makes up for these kind of people(women) and what onus of responsibility lies on the class of people who tailor to these needs. They know it. They know it very well. And that is exactly what gives them the air, the arrogance, the superior look about them.

A few questions that women everywhere face regarding tailors:

a.) Why are (most of the)women's clothes tailors men?
Ans: You really think a woman will want to make another look good, consciously? Come on, let's be honest. A man on the other hand would know just which part to enhance by his skills with the needle and thread and which ones to hide. It is taken for granted that he will do all that is possible and more. Inner beauty-shinner beauty, it's what outside that people pay attention to!

b.) Women are so paranoid about even sharing a seat with a stranger but totally at ease when another touches them all over, for measurements?
Ans: It's the dignity that is associated with the profession, there is no other reason for it. No other reason that I can think of, actually. Also, any respectable tailor will automatically assume a poker face expression when taking the measurements, implying "look lady, I am just doing my job here, no hanky panky intended". The body language says it clearly. Agreed, what goes on in his mind is anyone's guess but that applies for each and every man, doesn't it?

QnA aside, let's dig into the problem now. These tailors misuse their powers, grossly. Show me one tailor who has delivered the goods(err..don't know what other word to use for it) on time and I will show you Paris Hilton reading The Economist. It just does not happen! There is an unwritten rule that every one follows-leave a buffer of at least five days when you give something for stitching, call the tailor one day before the garment is due, haggle over the due date, tell him how urgently it is required, make frequent trips to the shop and on the 5th day(after the due date), collect your garment. Repeat the procedure all over again, every time.

Besides this, I now have a new problem. My tailor refuses to stitch my clothes..err..tight. Look I am not the kind of person who wears clothes that look like they will burst any moment but a girl's got to flaunt a little, right? No one wants to see a granny at *insert age here*! But the guy refuses to budge! The conversations at the tailoring shop makes the other customers grin and me, cringe in embarrassment!

Tailor: *measurement in cms*
Me: Tighter
Tailor: *tightens it by 0.487 micro cms*
Me: Tighter!
Tailor: *fatherly look; "girls these days"*
Me: Fine, enough

My woes never end.