Can a conversation be fake? You bet it can be! It happens all around us, all the time. Each one of us would have taken part in it at some point of time. The matter is, it would have been necessary, say at a professional level or dealing with an acquaintance. But ever had it with someone you were friends with, or at least you thought so?
Moving on, here are a few ways to determine when it is being faked:
Hello : Oh yeah, you can spot it right at this stage. It comes with much effort, since your number would have displayed for sometime in the other person's mobile, while the person would have been wondering whether to pick it up or not. There is a slight strain in the voice, as if this simple greeting wasn't intentional and was out of habit or forced rather than choice.
When topics run out: I have never believed in "preparing" for a telephonic conversation. If you are at ease with the person on the other end, the conversation should flow. Right? So the easiest give away is when you discover yourself hunting for topics to prolong the conversation. Why wouldn't you just rather end it? You would usually, but sometimes you just want to hang on, hoping that it's just a matter of time before the ease sets back in. It doesn't.
The pregnant pauses - The most difficult parts to deal with. After a well scripted QnA session which keeps moving back and forth like two amateurs' table tennis match, come these breaks in the conversation. You expect the blow to finally fall,something on the terms of "Let's stop pretending, I am not interested in talking to you anymore" , but alas, social creatures that we are, the charade continues.
The end - melodramatic choice of words, as usual? Not this time. I actually mean the end of the call. The mere artificiality of "let's catch up sometime" or "take care" makes me cringe. Catch what? If talking for five minutes came across as such a torture, you really expect me to believe that it will be much better in person. When the lies will be even more apparent, the shifty eyes, the "so..what else?" more pathetic than ever before.
Maybe it was a hint to me. Maybe it was a sign. Maybe I need to shut up.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
What goes up, must come down
I was just checking my Facebook account from office, when I came across an album. Nothing particularly peculiar about it, just the fact that looking at it made me nostalgic. What it also triggered was guilt, at not having replied to a friend of mine, who had messaged on friday night(yeah, my guilt trips are badly scheduled).
I messaged her, partly lying, partly honest about the reason I did not reply. She called back. For no fault of hers, she is still in college, she is my junior, used to be my batchmate once. Anyway, she was in the computer lab when she called. I could hear noise in the background and wondering since when did my lecturers become so lenient, I asked her what the commotion was about. The department fest.
Skipping the insignificant details, I miss it. I say "it" on purpose. I don't miss college. Why don't I miss what others claim to be the best 4 years of their lives? Simple, those weren't the best 4 years of my life. I was an insecure person with too many fears within me. Maybe a few of them are still there, but I have learned to deal with them(or so I hope).
Coming back to the point, I miss the fest. More than anything, I miss being a part of something which lead somewhere. To be more precise, I miss the sense of purpose. We knew our target, we knew our deadline. Yeah I know, being a software engineer, targets and deadlines shouldn't be something I lack. But honestly, these things are mere jargons thrown around in this industry. Let me explain. Fest vs. work - the goals, the results, the "fruits of our labour", so to speak, were more visible and desirable in the past. Here, as serious as they may make it sound, it all boils down to some clerical job(no offence meant to them) that will most probably not affect even a single person on the client's side.
Don't get me wrong, this isn't a "I hate my work" cribbola(did I just invent a word?) post. Rest assured, the day that feeling sinks in, I shall put in my papers. I have never believed in doing something I hate, not even for money(hehe..money? make that *peanuts).
I miss the organisation part, starting from scratch, with nothing but leftover posters designed by our seniors, the contacts they used for sponsors, our lecturers making it clear that attendance was still important and will not be dealt with lightly, our HoD stating in no unclear terms that the onus of responsibility rested completely on our shoulders. Translation - you screw this one up, I am gonna screw your future. Lovable, isn't he?
The conceptualisation of mere ideas into something more concrete. Joking with lecturers who, till recently, we would just exchange pleasantries with. The ego clashes, oh yes, the ego clashes. Nothing prepares you more for the "adult world" than having clashes over real, serious issues with someone you are friends with. Tact, diplomacy may work with strangers, at the end of the day it's conviction and faith in your methods that can persuade the other person. When nothing works, try emotional blackmail(*grin* just kidding).
The evenings extending into nights as the day approaches. More fights, more tempers flying, more calls for tolerance and patience. The flurry of excitement, making sure everything is in place at the last moment. Of course, it never is. What can go wrong, will go wrong..? Finally, when it all ends. The great sense of relief. The accompanying sense of regret that it is over. What took months to plan and execute, over in a matter of couple of days.
The sense of rush.
I messaged her, partly lying, partly honest about the reason I did not reply. She called back. For no fault of hers, she is still in college, she is my junior, used to be my batchmate once. Anyway, she was in the computer lab when she called. I could hear noise in the background and wondering since when did my lecturers become so lenient, I asked her what the commotion was about. The department fest.
Skipping the insignificant details, I miss it. I say "it" on purpose. I don't miss college. Why don't I miss what others claim to be the best 4 years of their lives? Simple, those weren't the best 4 years of my life. I was an insecure person with too many fears within me. Maybe a few of them are still there, but I have learned to deal with them(or so I hope).
Coming back to the point, I miss the fest. More than anything, I miss being a part of something which lead somewhere. To be more precise, I miss the sense of purpose. We knew our target, we knew our deadline. Yeah I know, being a software engineer, targets and deadlines shouldn't be something I lack. But honestly, these things are mere jargons thrown around in this industry. Let me explain. Fest vs. work - the goals, the results, the "fruits of our labour", so to speak, were more visible and desirable in the past. Here, as serious as they may make it sound, it all boils down to some clerical job(no offence meant to them) that will most probably not affect even a single person on the client's side.
Don't get me wrong, this isn't a "I hate my work" cribbola(did I just invent a word?) post. Rest assured, the day that feeling sinks in, I shall put in my papers. I have never believed in doing something I hate, not even for money(hehe..money? make that *peanuts).
I miss the organisation part, starting from scratch, with nothing but leftover posters designed by our seniors, the contacts they used for sponsors, our lecturers making it clear that attendance was still important and will not be dealt with lightly, our HoD stating in no unclear terms that the onus of responsibility rested completely on our shoulders. Translation - you screw this one up, I am gonna screw your future. Lovable, isn't he?
The conceptualisation of mere ideas into something more concrete. Joking with lecturers who, till recently, we would just exchange pleasantries with. The ego clashes, oh yes, the ego clashes. Nothing prepares you more for the "adult world" than having clashes over real, serious issues with someone you are friends with. Tact, diplomacy may work with strangers, at the end of the day it's conviction and faith in your methods that can persuade the other person. When nothing works, try emotional blackmail(*grin* just kidding).
The evenings extending into nights as the day approaches. More fights, more tempers flying, more calls for tolerance and patience. The flurry of excitement, making sure everything is in place at the last moment. Of course, it never is. What can go wrong, will go wrong..? Finally, when it all ends. The great sense of relief. The accompanying sense of regret that it is over. What took months to plan and execute, over in a matter of couple of days.
The sense of rush.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Midnight trek!
For those of you who have not tried it, trekking is hard but great fun! Ok, I am not a professional at it and this was my second trek(the first one was a piece of cake compared to this), but I loved it! Actually more than the trekking, I think I love the concept of night trekking. The advantages are several - the weather is cooler, you won't realise it initially as you will be sweating so much but it beats trekking under the sun any day!
It's more adventurous! So what if we were carrying torches(ratio wasn't 1:1, more like one torch for 5 people which was actually more than enough), the fact that you are barely aware of what lies beyond five or six more steps it thrilling!
The biggest clincher - moonlight. No artificial lights, no street lamps, darkness all around with only moonlight to guide you. I wish it were full moon but it was close enough last night(for all purposes, I am telling others the moon was full!). Once your eyes get adapted to the faint yet strong enough rays, any other source of light seems to cause strain to the eyes. So much so that in almost all the pics my friends can barely keep their eyes open due to the "harsh" lights of the camera. These are the same friends who otherwise freeze in their places and pose perfectly whenever there is a camera around or even the mention of it!
Now the mini travelogue. I say "mini" because given my love for details and unnecessary blabber, if I write a full fledged one, it might cross more than ten pages. Who has the patience for that right?(I prove my point again, by digressing from the topic)
The place is called Skandagiri Hills and is around 70 km from Bangalore. We reached there by midnight and after dilly dallying around, started the trek around 1 am in the morning. It took us more than two-two and a half hours to reach the peak. One of the main reasons was the no. of breaks we took. People take breaks in between the trek, we trek in between breaks. It was a hard climb and the difficulty gradually increased with the altitude. Couple of my friends(girls, sheesh!) had to be really pushed to finish it. Eventually all of us did make it to the top but not before people swearing that this would be the last trek in their life(drama queens!)!
A few mistakes we committed, out of which the major one was not taking sufficient water along with us. Everyone assumed there would be shops near the foot of the hills and even otherwise 3 litres for 14 people would be sufficient. Don't look at me like that, I tried and I failed to drive logic into them. I think I can distinctly remember having just two sips of water throughout the trek.
The best part was obviously reaching the peak, shit tired but really jubilant. We nearly froze to death but that's another story(we did have jackets but other "practiced" trekkers present on the peak were well equipped with blankets, shawls etc.). There were angels present on the peak, in the form of a few locals selling hot tea(sugar water, but beggars can't be choosers) and freshly prepared omelet!
The whole purpose of the trip - the sunrise and being "above the clouds" was disappointing, to put it mildly. It wasn't too great and there were no clouds below us, so to speak. But as someone rightly said - "what matters is the journey, not the destination"(did I jumble up the words?). Anyway, you get my point.
I wish I could keep writing, describing each and every (in)significant detail, but I think I should stop. A few parting notes:
1. I think my throat is so parched that there are cracks formed, similar to those on the ground in severe drought affected areas. It pains every time I swallow.
2. You are never too fit. For all my days spent in the gym, I still was panting like a dog all the way up(gulped Glucon D once,was sucking on Poppins, all measures to keep my energy level up). Although I discovered that I am way fitter than most of my friends present there(*yay*).
3. Err..this one is weird. Exhaustion and high altitude gives me a high. I was literally and figuratively high! I couldn't stop giggling, when we were sitting on the peak waiting for sunrise! I would giggle for no reason and when asked why, I would giggle and reply that I had no clue! Heh, I always knew I am a goner but not to this extent.
It's more adventurous! So what if we were carrying torches(ratio wasn't 1:1, more like one torch for 5 people which was actually more than enough), the fact that you are barely aware of what lies beyond five or six more steps it thrilling!
The biggest clincher - moonlight. No artificial lights, no street lamps, darkness all around with only moonlight to guide you. I wish it were full moon but it was close enough last night(for all purposes, I am telling others the moon was full!). Once your eyes get adapted to the faint yet strong enough rays, any other source of light seems to cause strain to the eyes. So much so that in almost all the pics my friends can barely keep their eyes open due to the "harsh" lights of the camera. These are the same friends who otherwise freeze in their places and pose perfectly whenever there is a camera around or even the mention of it!
Now the mini travelogue. I say "mini" because given my love for details and unnecessary blabber, if I write a full fledged one, it might cross more than ten pages. Who has the patience for that right?(I prove my point again, by digressing from the topic)
The place is called Skandagiri Hills and is around 70 km from Bangalore. We reached there by midnight and after dilly dallying around, started the trek around 1 am in the morning. It took us more than two-two and a half hours to reach the peak. One of the main reasons was the no. of breaks we took. People take breaks in between the trek, we trek in between breaks. It was a hard climb and the difficulty gradually increased with the altitude. Couple of my friends(girls, sheesh!) had to be really pushed to finish it. Eventually all of us did make it to the top but not before people swearing that this would be the last trek in their life(drama queens!)!
A few mistakes we committed, out of which the major one was not taking sufficient water along with us. Everyone assumed there would be shops near the foot of the hills and even otherwise 3 litres for 14 people would be sufficient. Don't look at me like that, I tried and I failed to drive logic into them. I think I can distinctly remember having just two sips of water throughout the trek.
The best part was obviously reaching the peak, shit tired but really jubilant. We nearly froze to death but that's another story(we did have jackets but other "practiced" trekkers present on the peak were well equipped with blankets, shawls etc.). There were angels present on the peak, in the form of a few locals selling hot tea(sugar water, but beggars can't be choosers) and freshly prepared omelet!
The whole purpose of the trip - the sunrise and being "above the clouds" was disappointing, to put it mildly. It wasn't too great and there were no clouds below us, so to speak. But as someone rightly said - "what matters is the journey, not the destination"(did I jumble up the words?). Anyway, you get my point.
I wish I could keep writing, describing each and every (in)significant detail, but I think I should stop. A few parting notes:
1. I think my throat is so parched that there are cracks formed, similar to those on the ground in severe drought affected areas. It pains every time I swallow.
2. You are never too fit. For all my days spent in the gym, I still was panting like a dog all the way up(gulped Glucon D once,was sucking on Poppins, all measures to keep my energy level up). Although I discovered that I am way fitter than most of my friends present there(*yay*).
3. Err..this one is weird. Exhaustion and high altitude gives me a high. I was literally and figuratively high! I couldn't stop giggling, when we were sitting on the peak waiting for sunrise! I would giggle for no reason and when asked why, I would giggle and reply that I had no clue! Heh, I always knew I am a goner but not to this extent.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Master of none
It's that time of the year again! Actually, not really. Anyway, before I distract myself and my thought process starts drifting off in a totally different direction, let me get straight to the point.
Why is the whole world and their step cousin so intent on becoming managers? Every Sawyer, Tracy and Potter(I am planning to get copyrights for the usage of this term) seems to be writing this exam and that exam, which eventually leads to the holy grail of all people frustrated with their current line of work - MBA.
Trust me, the day I am asked to step into the recruitment process for an MBA school(of course, I will have to be a manager myself to achieve that, but let's come to that later) the first question(which I am sure many people ask even now) would be "Why?" but the difference lies in the fact that I will give it a personal touch, adding "..and don't give me bullshit" because I have read the countless "how to answer questions effectively" nonsense a thousand times over, heard (if not read) my friends' applications and let me tell you this, if someone actually believes that shit, they better believe that I am Mother Teresa reincarnated!
Yes, I know the actual reason, extra degree equals extra money. Simple, right? Wrong! Now you don't realise what repercussions this has on lazy souls like me who are quite satisfied with their incompetent lives! Case in point:
Nosy stranger: "So which stream of engineering are you studying?"(a different topic for another blog altogether)
Me: "Umm..Actually I am working for Infosys."
NS: "Oh wow. How many years over?"
Me: "I'll be completing my second year soon."
NS: "Good good. So planning to get married(another topic right here) or further studies? MBA?"*stupid grin*
ME: "Heh heh..yeah..hmm..I think my mom is calling me. Excuse me!"
It's either marriage or MBA! Can you believe that! Thanks to the scores of stupid, incompetent colleges offering these courses, MBA degree has now become as common as BE or BTech! Which in turn means there are more incompetent managers being turned out with each passing day who one way or another find their way into our already miserable lives. What is my rue with managers? Kindly skip to my first post on this blog, you will know!
Other than the moolah reason mentioned already, is there any other reason why people are pursuing this degree? I don't think so. Which is pathetic as they will be back to where they started, doing a job they never had passion for, they never liked, in the first place. MBA isn't the answer to all problems, it isn't the key to all of life's mysterious locks. If that is what you intend to seek, pursue a spiritual path, not an MBA.
Why is the whole world and their step cousin so intent on becoming managers? Every Sawyer, Tracy and Potter(I am planning to get copyrights for the usage of this term) seems to be writing this exam and that exam, which eventually leads to the holy grail of all people frustrated with their current line of work - MBA.
Trust me, the day I am asked to step into the recruitment process for an MBA school(of course, I will have to be a manager myself to achieve that, but let's come to that later) the first question(which I am sure many people ask even now) would be "Why?" but the difference lies in the fact that I will give it a personal touch, adding "..and don't give me bullshit" because I have read the countless "how to answer questions effectively" nonsense a thousand times over, heard (if not read) my friends' applications and let me tell you this, if someone actually believes that shit, they better believe that I am Mother Teresa reincarnated!
Yes, I know the actual reason, extra degree equals extra money. Simple, right? Wrong! Now you don't realise what repercussions this has on lazy souls like me who are quite satisfied with their incompetent lives! Case in point:
Nosy stranger: "So which stream of engineering are you studying?"(a different topic for another blog altogether)
Me: "Umm..Actually I am working for Infosys."
NS: "Oh wow. How many years over?"
Me: "I'll be completing my second year soon."
NS: "Good good. So planning to get married(another topic right here) or further studies? MBA?"*stupid grin*
ME: "Heh heh..yeah..hmm..I think my mom is calling me. Excuse me!"
It's either marriage or MBA! Can you believe that! Thanks to the scores of stupid, incompetent colleges offering these courses, MBA degree has now become as common as BE or BTech! Which in turn means there are more incompetent managers being turned out with each passing day who one way or another find their way into our already miserable lives. What is my rue with managers? Kindly skip to my first post on this blog, you will know!
Other than the moolah reason mentioned already, is there any other reason why people are pursuing this degree? I don't think so. Which is pathetic as they will be back to where they started, doing a job they never had passion for, they never liked, in the first place. MBA isn't the answer to all problems, it isn't the key to all of life's mysterious locks. If that is what you intend to seek, pursue a spiritual path, not an MBA.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Away since..
Ok, today I am determined. No more slacking, no more procrastination! When was the last time I updated this piece here? Damn, it has been long! What can I say? I have been busy, yes, but that's not the excuse I should use.
Honestly, I really don't know what kept me away. There are a couple of drafts pending but I guess I don't have it in me to finish them. There are even a couple of topics(?)/subjects i wanted to express my opinion on, but somehow, for some reason, it ain't coming through. When I started this, I had promised myself one thing over all others - honesty. No political correctness, no diplomacy, no mincing words. Well, not like I speak like Miss India in real life, world peace and mother teresa thrown into every possible bit of conversation, but it's a well known fact that expressing oneself online or through the printed word(in this case, the typed word) is way easier than in real conversations.
Maybe that's the reason I did not want to write. I was afraid of what I might discover. You see, once my fingers make contact with the keyboard, it's all involuntary from there. Sometimes I surprise myself with what I have written. "Oh, am I really that narrow minded?", "hey, stop being so bitchy", "did I just say that?", you get the drift.
What's been happening in my life? Oh nothing drastic as such. It's the same old routine, with a few surprises thrown in here and there. Surprises in terms of? Hmm..me. I will not divulge any details, but if you really want to know, it can be summed up in three words - "Never say never". Forgive me for talking in weird crpyto-supposedly profound-but actually lamo-lingo! There are some things, some thoughts, certain ideas which I don't plan to confront. Escapism has worked wonders for me all my life and I plan to stick to it for the rest of it too.
So consider this as a comeback post of sorts. If I completed this in (*checks time*)..err..let's just say "so fast", it means I am back, back to being my normal self(I hear you snickering!). My mind is already working overtime to decide what to talk(blabber?) about next.
As the bull Arnie once said - I'll be back.
Honestly, I really don't know what kept me away. There are a couple of drafts pending but I guess I don't have it in me to finish them. There are even a couple of topics(?)/subjects i wanted to express my opinion on, but somehow, for some reason, it ain't coming through. When I started this, I had promised myself one thing over all others - honesty. No political correctness, no diplomacy, no mincing words. Well, not like I speak like Miss India in real life, world peace and mother teresa thrown into every possible bit of conversation, but it's a well known fact that expressing oneself online or through the printed word(in this case, the typed word) is way easier than in real conversations.
Maybe that's the reason I did not want to write. I was afraid of what I might discover. You see, once my fingers make contact with the keyboard, it's all involuntary from there. Sometimes I surprise myself with what I have written. "Oh, am I really that narrow minded?", "hey, stop being so bitchy", "did I just say that?", you get the drift.
What's been happening in my life? Oh nothing drastic as such. It's the same old routine, with a few surprises thrown in here and there. Surprises in terms of? Hmm..me. I will not divulge any details, but if you really want to know, it can be summed up in three words - "Never say never". Forgive me for talking in weird crpyto-supposedly profound-but actually lamo-lingo! There are some things, some thoughts, certain ideas which I don't plan to confront. Escapism has worked wonders for me all my life and I plan to stick to it for the rest of it too.
So consider this as a comeback post of sorts. If I completed this in (*checks time*)..err..let's just say "so fast", it means I am back, back to being my normal self(I hear you snickering!). My mind is already working overtime to decide what to talk(blabber?) about next.
As the bull Arnie once said - I'll be back.
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