Monday, April 21, 2008

What goes up, must come down

I was just checking my Facebook account from office, when I came across an album. Nothing particularly peculiar about it, just the fact that looking at it made me nostalgic. What it also triggered was guilt, at not having replied to a friend of mine, who had messaged on friday night(yeah, my guilt trips are badly scheduled).

I messaged her, partly lying, partly honest about the reason I did not reply. She called back. For no fault of hers, she is still in college, she is my junior, used to be my batchmate once. Anyway, she was in the computer lab when she called. I could hear noise in the background and wondering since when did my lecturers become so lenient, I asked her what the commotion was about. The department fest.

Skipping the insignificant details, I miss it. I say "it" on purpose. I don't miss college. Why don't I miss what others claim to be the best 4 years of their lives? Simple, those weren't the best 4 years of my life. I was an insecure person with too many fears within me. Maybe a few of them are still there, but I have learned to deal with them(or so I hope).

Coming back to the point, I miss the fest. More than anything, I miss being a part of something which lead somewhere. To be more precise, I miss the sense of purpose. We knew our target, we knew our deadline. Yeah I know, being a software engineer, targets and deadlines shouldn't be something I lack. But honestly, these things are mere jargons thrown around in this industry. Let me explain. Fest vs. work - the goals, the results, the "fruits of our labour", so to speak, were more visible and desirable in the past. Here, as serious as they may make it sound, it all boils down to some clerical job(no offence meant to them) that will most probably not affect even a single person on the client's side.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't a "I hate my work" cribbola(did I just invent a word?) post. Rest assured, the day that feeling sinks in, I shall put in my papers. I have never believed in doing something I hate, not even for money( make that *peanuts).

I miss the organisation part, starting from scratch, with nothing but leftover posters designed by our seniors, the contacts they used for sponsors, our lecturers making it clear that attendance was still important and will not be dealt with lightly, our HoD stating in no unclear terms that the onus of responsibility rested completely on our shoulders. Translation - you screw this one up, I am gonna screw your future. Lovable, isn't he?

The conceptualisation of mere ideas into something more concrete. Joking with lecturers who, till recently, we would just exchange pleasantries with. The ego clashes, oh yes, the ego clashes. Nothing prepares you more for the "adult world" than having clashes over real, serious issues with someone you are friends with. Tact, diplomacy may work with strangers, at the end of the day it's conviction and faith in your methods that can persuade the other person. When nothing works, try emotional blackmail(*grin* just kidding).

The evenings extending into nights as the day approaches. More fights, more tempers flying, more calls for tolerance and patience. The flurry of excitement, making sure everything is in place at the last moment. Of course, it never is. What can go wrong, will go wrong..? Finally, when it all ends. The great sense of relief. The accompanying sense of regret that it is over. What took months to plan and execute, over in a matter of couple of days.

The sense of rush.

1 comment:

  1. What can be the possible reason of the so-called insecurity?! Its ok if its a secret! :)