Multifaceted

This post is regarding a very fascinating and interesting conversation I had with my friend yesterday. Don't worry, I don't plan to paste it here, but perhaps elaborate on it a bit.

Have you ever wondered how many faces you have? Broadly classified, there are two - the professional and the personal. Some of us have a huge difference between these two while a very fine line separates it for the rest. But difference, there is. Going further into it though, there are many more. For example, let us take the professional face. Do you behave the same way with your colleagues as well as with your boss?

The personal front is much more interesting. I don't know about you, but in my personal life there are only two types of people - family and friends. Sure, there are a few friends who are like family and there are a couple of family members who would easily transcend into the friends zone. But you see, it still leaves me with just two zones. One would assume that one's behaviour with people in these zones is uniform. Ah, that is where one is wrong.

Let me start with family. Do you behave, act, talk or respond in the same manner when with your parents and when with your siblings? I don't. There is the difference in age which acts as the factor, there is the difference in maturity(debatable), there is the difference in topics under discussion(or argument, as the case may be), there is the difference in opinion, there is the difference in tolerance(very important) and of course there is the difference in the respect accorded. Basically, there are lots of differences.

You still with me? OK, good. Now comes the part and realisation which takes people by surprise. The faces you wear when with your friends. I would not say that my behaviour or nature is totally different for each friend but I would say that it is not exactly the same for each one of them. It all depends on how and where the friendship started, what drove the two to come together, why are they(we?) still friends, what role each plays in it and so many more. For instance, I am a kid when with a couple of them, replete with talking nonsense, calling names, acting stupid etc. But with others, you wouldn't be wrong if you were to call me "aunt KB". The funny part is, both of these character traits define me equally well, there is no artificiality when I display one, there is no forced nature when I display the other.

It's probably because that what is needed and sometimes, that is what is expected. You act the way you do because you know it will be accepted, you know you will not be judged for it. Sometimes though, you act the way you should. Those who need to be protected, will be fiercely so. This is not a usual occurrence, as most of the people I am(or like to be) with are strong; emotionally/mentally. But for the couple of sweethearts who aren't, I take the role of the Dominator. On the other hand, people who know me well would vouch for it that I am not the kind of person who can be dominated. Surprise, I can be when I want to be. As I said before, a lot depends on the dynamics and requirement of the relation.

A lot is required for any relationship to work but a lot more is required to sustain it. It is easy to give up but much more difficult to give in. On one hand you cannot and should not diverge from your true nature but on the other you have to compromise. Life sure is complicated.

PS: Going through the draft, I do not know if it made any sense.

Do you remember?

Well first for some good old gloating and a few updates. The gloating part - I have a weird memory. No, that's not something to be proud of and it isn't my point. What is so strange about my memory? You see, ask me what I was wearing on the day I joined my first company and I will tell you exactly. Ask me the first time I was slapped by my class teacher (which was in 3rd standard by the way) and I will even recollect the exact reason why and her name. Oh and that was one of the only three, ever. Ask me who I sat with first when I entered college and what she was wearing, ask me the reason I fought with my best friend in class four, ask me which dress I was wearing for my uncle's marriage in 1997, ask me anything. Well, anything not relevant, and I will remember.

Don't ask me dates. Don't ask me which day or date I was asked out for the first time in life(6th standard), don't ask me what my total in 10th/12th standard was, don't ask me to remember any phone remember other than my own, don't ask me the date I had my first major accident, don't even ask me my university seat number. OK, I lied about the USN. I think they expect dodos like me to be omnipresent and hence make them quite easy to recollect. Or maybe because I have used it at least 30 times(the figure is more, don't ask me by how much), counting all the exams, that it is carved in my memory for a very long time to come(never say forever, ever).

So on one hand there are the insignificant details and on the other, things that may and should matter to most people. I remember the ones that are irrelevant, that probably are stored in the archives section in most people's brains, to be dug up only when required, which includes family gatherings, school/college reunions, accompanied by an "ohhh..yeah..I think I faintly remember that" or "what lies! You are concocting your own stories", depending on the situation being for or against you, respectively.

But, ladies and gentlemen, inspite of this handicap, one thing I do pride in is remembering birthdays. I think I should put a disclaimer there because even that comes with "conditions apply" but given the number of people I have come to know over the years, I think I am doing pretty well for myself and for others. The "for others" is a clever part I put in there, did you notice? No? Never mind. It's because I have been entrusted(sometimes I take it upon myself) the responsibility of remembering them. I send mails to other friends, I ping them, in short I do everything a Short(pun intended) Messaging Service reminder usually does.

Pretty neat, eh? That's what you think. When you have such a record, you cannot screw up. One birthday you forget, and boom, all hell breaks loose. "How could you forget?". And it has the ripple effect. Blame the reminder service. Shoot the messenger. Nevertheless I wouldn't stop doing it, I wouldn't stop taking the responsibility. I like the appreciation that comes when I remember and remind, I like the gratitude that my friends express. I am the puppy that will continue to jump for a treat, even after you have slapped it mildly on the nose for chewing up the sofa. Quite pathetic, but that's me.

In the "updates" section, I met a friend recently after a long time and he made me believe in what I had always known to be true. All you need is someone who'll listen to you. It was a good day.

PS: I digress a lot, don't I?

Too late too soon

What if one day you turn into that which you portray to be? Wouldn't that be an ideal situation?

Apparently not. All throughout my as yet short life I have seen those who have been emotionally weak being taken advantage of. I knew it then as I know now, that I wouldn't be one of them. I wouldn't be the one to be seen crying, I wouldn't be the one being taken for granted and I most definitely won't be the one emotionally blackmailed. Being a girl, it was as easy as a rabbit trying to pass of as a porcupine.

How do you do it? You hide your weaknesses. You cringe not in public. You put on a brave face and you pretend that it did not matter. You learn to laugh at yourself, you trivialise things that may seem important. You mislead people into believing your priorities lie elsewhere. Most importantly, you do not put on display your armour, because with it, so will the chinks be displayed. Slowly over time, you start winning.

People start getting convinced that you are not to be thrown around. They think twice before launching those wisecracks. They hold back and they warn others. Word gets around and you are smiling. This is what you wanted. You may be the evil one for those people but you are content with the fact that not all of them think that way. You had assumed that there were a few who see through you. A few who know why you are doing this. You are doing this because you are scared. You have had reasons to be scared. Some of the fears may be unjustified, but aren't most of them anyway?

Then one day it hits you. There is no difference between the two. The two images, the two persona's, the two different people you thought you were. It hits you because they told you so. They told you things that you thought were meant to be looked and observed by strangers. Your guard is seen as indifference, the shell which you created over the years seen as insensitivity.

At first you are offended but then you see what they do. It isn't their fault. It is you. The ways that you made others follow, you forgot to follow yourself. You had expectations. Never have expectations. You started asking questions. Questions are never good, especially when you don't like the answers. Maybe it's good to be the villain. Everyone loves heroes, but what good would he be without the villain. I shall not change. Let me stick to at least one thing I had promised myself.

I could have not posted this or I could have posted this on the top. But I choose to hide it here. Everyone wins.

Full Circle

Ever wondered what are the different stages that lead to someone turning from a stranger into your friend?

Stranger: You see someone, you know someone through someone else, you hear about someone. You form opinions and you form impressions. You don't want to confirm either of those, as you don't care, right? You meet strangers everyday, you encounter strangers everywhere. Some you remember, most you forget. You have never spoken, you have never chatted. You know each other as entities, you know each other as individuals. You don't even know the name.

Acquaintance: You start recongnising a face or few faces. You acknowledge someone's presence. There is eye contact, there is a pause in the swift glancing phase that is reserved for strangers. You are introduced or after seeing someone at the same place, having common friends, real or online, you reach out to make contact. There is that hesitation, there is that formality. You are reserved, you wonder how much you should open up. You are anxious, yet you are pleasantly nervous. A new person, a new experience, a new character. A new colour added to the already vivid palette. An exciting phase, a fascinating turn. A time of discoveries, a period of revelations. You either stop or you go ahead. There is no middle path, there is no "friendly acquaintance". If you find the comfort zone, you give it the green signal.

Friend: What makes a friend, well, a friend? If you would believe all the sappy Archie's and Hallmarks cards and other products, it's the differences, it's the similarities. If you ask me, I don't know. Each friend of mine is so totally different from another, I surprise myself by their sheer presence around me. But this isn't about me. How does an acquaintance become a friend? Just by being around? Is that really being a friend? Sometimes, yes. You get used to someone's constant presence that you don't think about or realise when that person becomes a friend. At other times, it isn't so simple. There are people for whom it matters. It matters who comes close and who doesn't. There are people who will not let the wall down unless they are sure it is worth it. There are people who will still maintain distance, who will still draw boundaries, who will still put on their masks and who will still pretend. There are such people.

Acquaintance: Why am I back to it? Because this is about the circle. The circle of friendship. And a circle has to come back to where it started from. You make so many friends. You make friends as a kid, well as a kid that's all you know. Other than to make faces. Make faces and make friends. Make friends and make decisions, that is when you are all grown up. Decisions which help you personally, decisions that help you professionally. Decisions that you would still stand by, not because you believe in them, but because your ego tells you so. Decisions, that, you come to realise, are isolating you. You have too much on your hands now. You opted for them, but that doesn't change anything, it still is too much. You decide to unload. Yet another decision. You unload, and how. You keep a few, a few that you choose for reasons of your own. Not because they "complete you", not because they have "got your back". Just because you wouldn't know what to do without them and that scares you. The not so lucky rest? You blame it on the changing lives, the changing priorities, the changing lifestyle, the changing choices. You blame it on everything but yourself. From friends to acquaintances.

Strangers: As opposed to the stranger to acquaintance phase, which can be ridiculously long, this is the fastest amongst all. The moment you decide to dethrone the chosen few, it's all downhill from there. You can blame distance, physical or emotional. You are right when you blame the distance. Have you ever tried enlarging a hole in a cloth? This is exactly how it works. It does not matter how the hole got there in the first place. It can be an accident or it can be intentional, subconciously intentional. All that matter is that there is a hole. A hole which lures you, entices you to enlarge it. And you do it, you give in. Every time, little by little, till it is so big that it gapes at you, obvious that it is now irreparable. That is when you know, that is your cue. You don't regret it and given a choice you would do it all over again but for now, you know it's time to move on.

A quaint tense

The success of Orkut in India has confirmed what all of us already knew - we like gossip, we like to be informed about people we barely know and we absolutely love showing off through photographs. Of course, now Google has gone ahead and introduced the concept of privacy and locked accounts, which is why there has been a drastic reduction in the number of logins and users. Facebook may be the bomb in US and other countries but ask the new users and they will tell you that it is way too complicated and yes, private!

Personally I like both. I am still loyal to Orkut but I love the privacy options offered by Facebook. No matter how many conspiracy theories I am fed, I will continue to trust Google and all of the services it comes up with. To me Google is like the neighbourhood departmental store. New, fancy, posh supermarkets and hypermarkets may come and go but they can never be the same as the one single shop, known by many names - provisions, departmental store, Ganesh store etc where you can get anything and everything, from pencils to shaving blades, under the sun and a single trustworthy roof.

What is the agenda of this post and why am I rambling on and on about Orkut? As usual, building the foundation for what is to come. If the number of "friends" on this very active social networking site was a measure of popularity, every loser with unlimited access to the internet and a passion for new "fraindship" would be a celebrity in his own right. But obviously that is not the case. We (used to?)add people just on the basis of the most trivial things. Heck, sometimes I don't even remember the full name and/or details of the person whose profile pic (real or fake) pops up on the right side. From juniors/seniors in college to those we left behind way back, during our school days.

Batch mates/seniors/juniors from school. Yes, that's where I wanted to get to. We might have kept track of the lives of our friends and many may still be in touch with those, but not acquaintances. College days most of us still remember, if not vividly. Now school days, those are days everyone claims to want to relive. I don't know how many of us actually mean it or whether we say it just to sound very wise and all grown up, but let's move on.

I will confess straight out. I don't like it, I don't like it at all. Till recently, I had the comfort and pleasure of imagining people I did not like or get along with to be doing not so good in life. Well now my mirage has been spoilt, my hopes have been shattered! People who can barely talk clean are jet setting all around the world, people who struggled to get through school are pursuing their masters degree.

Is it wrong for me to wish bad luck on those I may not like based on more often than not frivolous reasons? You bet! Is it possible that these very people have changed for the better over the years and deserve all that they have achieved? Maybe. Does this logic make me feel any better and consider life as being fair? Hell no!

PS: My blog went through an identity crisis and after much soul searching and theme searching reverted to the original one. Why mess with something that works, eh?

Southern Spice

The ire and angst in this post is directed at just one category of people - actresses down here in South India. I should have timed this well and perhaps written it near Women's day way ahead in March, but bleh, I didn't. First the description of these people, characteristics which describe one, skills which describe all.

Vital statistics: If you are waiting for something like 36-24-36, I am guessing you are either a Martian or you have never seen any movie and/or the actress. They come in all sizes, even size zero. The only difference here is, size 0 is preceded by double digits. Deprived perverts that they are, the cameraman, at the behest of the director of course, never fails to zoom in on the assets, top-down shot, more often than not in the introduction shot. Now I don't know if that's the reason why these women refuse to slim down. Didn't get my point? Here's why - the wider you are, the farther the camera has to go or rather more out of focus the cameraman has to go. This saves the woman her modesty and at the same time the cost of a trainer and gym fee. Clever, eh? There are two words that aptly describe these healthy women - thunder thighs.

The irritating voice: Who in this messed up world came up with the thought/idea/plan that a shrill voice is the trait of a sexy/sweet/anything/ideal woman? I may have a possible explanation or reason behind it. Let's break it down first.

a.) Who dubs for these females?
- Not them, of course! Shooting for so many days, trying to hunt for a rich enough businessman to marry, keeping the date at all those eat outs, all these take time dear friends. An actress, no matter how good her manager, which in most cases is another horizontally challenged woman-her mother, just does not have the time to lend her voice to the movie. So there are these two women(I have no concrete evidence to support my theory, it's just a guess) who can be Pooja, Shwetha, Manasa, Pushpa, Tony(err..), all in a day! Since their "skills" aren't world class, why would they be here in that case, all they manage to do is come up with this one nasal voice, the voice that is suited for Jerry(of Tom n Jerry fame) or that irritating anchor who comes on Headlines Today! On second thoughts, perhaps it's one single guy giving all those voices. Hmm..one single(for obvious reasons), twisted guy. That makes more sense!

b.) Chauvinism: This is a theory the feminist in me has come out with. I tried to think on the lines of a typical MCP, in most cases, most men. Who needs to be saved, protected, cared for? Women, of course! Wouldn't a woman who has a normal voice not seem feminine enough? Well if she can shout loudly and make herself heard(figuratively and literally) instead of shrieking and waiting to be rescued, she can as well protect herself and that would mean not needing a man. Oh gosh! No no, we need the shrill voices! Man has always been the hunter and he shall always take care of the weaker beings.

Import: When you import something of high quality, it makes sense. But when you import refuse from your brother from another mother, Bollywood, it beats all logic. It is not just a one time occurrence. It has been happening since decades! If you are an actress in Hindi movies, rather an upcoming actress, and you and your career have failed to capture the imagination of the audience, don't lose heart. Pack your bags, grab those cans of butter, ghee, fat inducing products and head down south. The fairer you are and more alienated from this land of the lungis, the higher your chances and prospective rate of success. You don't have to bother about your diction, vocabulary,everything is forgiven, as long as you flash that smile, not talk about "western" concepts like sex and learn one single line of each language, to be spoken at premieres and press gatherings.

Costumes: I have actually watched a couple of interviews of contemporary actresses and let me tell you this, it's not their fault. They may not dress like divas, but they surely don't wear anything close to the ghastly costumes that they are handed out during the shooting of the movie. The same cannot be said about the yesteryear actresses. I don't think a few years back there was even a concept of designers. If I am not mistaken, the late 80s and early 90s were the Dark Ages for the fashion industry. Unluckily, the southern film industry(Kannada in particular) still seems to be under its grasp. Garish colours, mismatched clothes, too short, too long, too loose, too fit. Stylish? Not from any angle. The situation is the worst when the girl has to be depicted as a rural character. Show me one rural woman/girl who dresses like that and I will show you a cow with four horns!

The only argument I could think of, in their defense, is that if the chariot continues to run smoothly, why would anyone in their right mind poke a stick into the wheel, just for change, just to make things seem "better"? Nobody likes change, except perhaps a baby in need of fresh diapers. And that's the way the cookie crumbles.

What's with the..

What's with the number of vegetables that are running amuck? I miss the days when there were three primary vegetables -tomato, potato and onion. How does it concern me? Oh well, I was discussing with my teammates during one of our tea breaks about the adulteration in the ketchup/ sauce. For those of you who aren't aware of it, the tomato sauce that you get in the local bakeries and/or food courts is adulterated with the pulp-juice mish-mash of a certain vegetable called "ghia"(Hindi). Among the five of us present there, three (including yours truly) can speak and understand Hindi quite well, so there was no problem. Or so I thought. The trouble started when one remarked "what is Ghia known as in English?". For the record, I still don’t know the answer. The answers, or rather the guesses, ranged from gourd to even pumpkin! Did you also know that there are at least three different “relatives” of the simple pumpkin? Those who know me know this fact well that I am really bad at describing colors. Now you can add vegetables to the list. To me, everything has a parent and the rest of the vegetables just fall in the extended family. And out of those families, anyone who is not part of the beans family is most welcome. Beans. Huh. Why would anyone in their right mind want to eat them?

What’s with the tradition of wearing the red and cream/white bangles for 180 days(?) after marriage? To make this clear, I respect traditions. If it weren’t for traditions, there wouldn’t be much of a difference between you and me! It would be a very boring place and even more boring would be functions and festivals. So there, that was my disclaimer. My problem is with this one particular tradition which is followed with great gusto at my workplace. First the basics – you don’t have to be a fashionista to know that bangles and western wear don’t go along. Yes, I am not blind to the emerging trends which can be summarized in one word – porridge, where anything can be mixed with everything. But ladies, a bangle can go with jeans, it may even look nice. A pair of bangles, maybe. A few of them, OK, you are pushing it a bit but we’ll let it pass. Two dozens of bangles, looking as ethnic and traditional as can be with jeans or western formals? NO! Nobody is forcing you to forget your “culture” and abstain from wearing them. Yes, we know that you want to flaunt your newly acquired change in status. But why torture the aesthetic sense of passers by, strangers as they may be? Wear the traditional Indian attire for the duration that you are to wear those bangles. There is no shame in wearing salwar kameez/chudidar kurta on a “casual” Friday! If you are proud enough of your regionality to be able to wear those many number of bangles, be proud enough of your nationality to wear appropriate and matching clothes with them!

What’s with the celebrities’ blogs? I have been meaning to talk about this for quite some time. I am all for the spread of this medium and all that jazz but come on, we all know the truth. They aren’t blogging because they want to express their creativity/ write a journal/ connect to/ make money(like they need it!). They are writing for all the wrong reasons. One is in it because he was paid by the particular website, for promotional purposes, obviously. The other one just wants to demean his colleagues. Yet another wants to get back at his detractors. What I want to see is how long will they keep it up. From the signs, it appears to be a fad to them. Cash in, drag it, sign out. Fair enough, everyone is entitled to a piece of the pie. The visitors’ comments are, as in many cases, much more precious than the original article itself. Most common amongst them – the fan and the moocher. One is here out of awe and admiration, the other just wants to spread the word and perhaps divert a little traffic and attention for his interest.

I think these three should do for today. I have a few more to rattle off, but some other time. One question that may arise after you read this – what is it to you? “Let people be”? Of course, let them be. But I damn well am entitled to my opinion, aren’t I!