My Principles

I have set out to explain in this blog, more to myself than others, the reasons behind why I am the way I am(no need to call those lawyers Eminem, I am not sabotaging your song).

I am a girl in my quarterly-twenties(?) who has lots of friends, who loves to have a good time(hold on, this isn't the "about me" section) and yet who stays clear of alcoholic drinks and cigarettes. It is a well known fact among my friends, and for which sometimes I am teased, that smoking is the biggest turn off to me. I would rather go out with a person who picks his nose in public than someone who smokes! The smell makes me sick and the sight of someone smoking, even more so.

I have lost count of the number of times new acquaintances and old friends have expressed surprised that I don't drink. That may be attributed to two facts - a.) I act high and stupid even in the absence of alcohol and b.) I don't come across as the "type" who wouldn't drink. My abstention from drinking originated from a personal reason but you know how it works, people change, opinions change, principles get altered, if not abandoned. Yet, I have stuck to mine. Strange but true.

Next on the list is my inability, actually my reluctance, to lie. Sure, I can whip up amazing excuses in nanoseconds and deliver them with a poker straight face. But the guilt that accompanies it feels like the devil wrenching my heart out. A case in example, and which used to occur ever so frequently, were the reasons I used to give after an unplanned leave, to my manager.

I have been labeled loud mouth and many other adjectives that seem more colourful in the local languages. I would rather not speak than lie. Maybe that's the reason why people who don't know me too well, label me as the silent, docile kind of person. It amuses me no end! I don't believe in diplomacy, in my opinion it is something only diplomats should practice. This has never landed me in trouble because I also happen to be a practical person. I may have my values/principles, if that's what you can call them, but I am not foolish(conditions apply).

All of this has got nothing to do with my family or my upbringing. We aren't a bunch of Gandhians who wouldn't wear anything other than khadi or not touch any foreign products. The only reason I can think of is the one belief that, well, even I can't explain. Atheism. Don't ask me why or don't ask me how. All I know is that I have been a non believer for a very long time, with no recollection of when it happened. Ok, too dramatic.

But according to me, that's the one piece of thread that holds all the other beads together. You have a God you believe in, one you know will protect you. To me, it's all me. I am answerable only to me. If or when something goes wrong, I have no one to blame, no one to pray to. No one is responsible for the consequences of my actions, but me. That puts me in a position of power, with respect to my life, but that also puts me in a position of responsibility.

Simply put, my non-belief is the reason behind my beliefs.