Saturday, January 10, 2009

Aerobics!

Here is the much anticipated, much awaited blog on my current pastime-passion-obsession(?). Aerobics!

Let me address the myths and the actual truths behind them:

Myth: Aerobics instructors are lean, mean, fighting machines, not to mention - hot!
Truth: Let me tell you about my instructor. A lady(first disappointment) of around *beep* years, where *beep* is most definitely not less than 28. Lean? No. Mean? Oh yes, more on that later. Fighting machine? Hmm..depends on your definition but I wouldn't like to be involved in a fight with her, for sure. She isn't fat per se, but when she wears those tight track pants, you wish she would do something about her tyres first, or at least go for the more flattering, loose pairs.

Myth: The class consists of good looking people, wearing tight, shiny spandex costumes.
Truth: You've got to be stupid if you believe this. Why would people join such a torturesome form of exercise if they were happy with the way they look? And coming to the costumes, well, they sometimes are just that. This message is to all those women who wear short tops that stopped fitting them five years ago - looking at your bulge spilling out unceremoniously makes me sick. Please think about the others in your class, the ones who are not in love with you, as opposed to you. More often than not, it's the I-know-I-am-hot crowd who cannot get used to the fact that age is taking it's toll, slowly but surely. Gravity sucks, get used to it. Nothing about the handful of men who are there because they dress appropriately. They realise it's a form of exercise and not a fashion show.

Myth: Adrenaline makes you feel happier or at least gives you a good rush
Truth: OK, I am not going to refute this established fact. Though, one look/meeting with my instructor and you wonder if adrenaline is an evil hormone, which makes you, well, evil! Her method of correcting anyone who commits the horrendous mistake of having the wrong posture/stance while exercising - a tight whack. No, I am not kidding and neither do I attend a course for toddlers. I am talking about a class of grown ups, minimum age 21 and a small-ish woman who is stricter than Hitler's mother(I have no clue how strict she was, but with a son like that, she must have been?). Thank heavens for small mercies that she never uses props like dumbells/exercise balls or the water canister to "mend our ways". Her hand is good enough. A whack, on that part which is in the wrong position - foot, arm, leg, hand, back, shoulder, anything. So in addition to concentrating on not falling, we have to keep an eye out for the bolt from blue.

Myth: Aerobics is easy-schmeasy.
Truth: Come to my class. You do it, while I stand back and laugh. One wrong step and you can bid goodbye to walking for the next few days at least. There are plenty of opportunities to screw up, very limited to get it right. Since it's a group activity, your success also depends on your neighbour's. You go too fast, you collide into them, with a result that varies from a slight bump to a broken nose. You go too slow, well, they collide with you, with similar results ! So what's the middle path? You try to surround yourself with the veterans. Otherwise, you have four noobs around you(front, back, left, right), with each apparently conspiring to send you to the closest hospital. Oh and never go near the burly men. No offence to them, or you, if you are one of them, but those guys sweat buckets! Since no one has the time to stop and wipe it off, it falls on the smooth floor and guess what, it's you who steps on it and slips all the time.

Well then, this is it. There are more details to it like the common corridor between the men's and women's changing room, which has only the non good looking men in only towels walking around and the weirdo who attends the class, who does not leave any opportunity to "help" the other men while stretching. But if I go on about them, this post will never end. So I end it by answering a question which I am pretty sure is on your mind - If I hate it so much, why do I go? Ans: Who said I hate it? I love each moment of it! :D

6 comments:

  1. This reminds me of a aerobics training we got in Std IX, when we were supposed to perform/give farewell to our seniors! (The song was 'It's my life, not the Bon Jovi one, the pinky one!). Twas fun, twas not easy! :)

    Keep attending the classes, be regular! Stay fit! :D

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  2. :D Nice post...
    @Truth 1: She had just recently had a Appendectomy... Probably didn't have new track pants... :D When she was back from it... she just "told" us what to do... never did it then...

    And I love aerobics too!! :)

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  3. @karuna - Poor you.. N in the gym i get to see a moron trying to show off his tattoo by wearing a vest. irritating. N even a guy in a blue weird design suit(Pjs..) . and a girl who seriously needs some cloth donation. :|

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  4. Hilarious
    I would really like to come to these classes, not to participate, but to watch the clown (not you KayB) :P

    The gym at my office is a circus tent. For starters they play slow romantic bollywood songs (real inspiring when you are trying to lift weights). Then we have the turtles, yup, the turtles. They get on the treadmill to do a slow walk in slow motion.
    There is a lot more... maybe i will put it up on my blog (abusylife.wordpress.com)

    Keep enjoying the work out, and gravity pulls :P

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  5. ROTFLMAO............ cudnt stop laughin!! :))

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