Two to Tango

I am tired, tired of accusations, tired of being questioned and tired of giving explanations. When will people understand that I am no saint, that I do not deserve to be kept on a pedestal built of wrong expectations, to be crucified when I fall from grace, which happens ever so often nowadays.

Everyone likes to blame the other person or pass the buck when something fails, nobody realises or wants to recollect how much of it was caused by them. Conveniently turn a blind eye to your follies, as they were just trivial matters. If I don't call up, those instances will be remembered for eternity but the times I tried and failed will never be noticed. "You don't keep in touch", is what I am told. Now what I really want to know is that is it expected of me to mail, ping, call, meet each person I have come to know, every breathing hour of my life?

I am not saying that when people choose to take different paths, all contacts should be broken and that while pursuing a new life, the old one should be forgotten and discarded. But it is unreasonable to expect things to not change. Nothing lasts forever. You make do with what is left and make sure to hold on to it. Anything more than that would be, if I may say so, foolish to expect.

The thing which saddens me more than anything is to see my old friends lose that comfort zone, to feel out of place, just because "we don't have common topics to discuss anymore". Like hell we don't! It is the mental block and pre judgment which causes these fissures. I know people from my primary school years with whom I can still discuss anything under the sun! Sometimes I wonder if the reason for change in behaivour stems from insecurity and a weird possessiveness. No, I don't mean to imply that I am too precious blah blah, I am very much in touch with reality.

What I mean can be better explained like this - when you realise that someone, once close to you, is having an equally good time, if not better, with someone else, don't you experience that slight pang of jealousy? I have seen it in others' eyes, acquaintances and friends included. From there the downhill journey begins. They feel you don't need them anymore and that they are in disposable to you, now that you have "new friends".

I seriously don't know how to set such things right. I try my best to reason. If they listen, well and good. Else I let go. Yes, it is a terrible thing to do on my part but as I said initially, I am no saint.

Discussion time

This isn't any profound bullshit or thoughtful thoughts or whatever low grade material constitute my other posts. This is just a recollection of events at lunch time today, because if I forget to chronicle them, I m sure I will curse myself for the rest of my life!

Let me just build up the background story first. My lunch group consists of really silly(yet intelligent, mind you), witty and nonsense talking bunch of people that you could gather. Everyone has known the other through a common friend and two of them are even older than the rest by a solid almost 3 years, which is really hard to tell, seriously.

The usual conversation revolves around the guys talking about their (mis)adventures in the gym, a lot of puns thrown in for effect and mostly, making fun of other people (including each other). So it was a surprise, no, make that shock to see the developments at lunch today! Not only did we not discuss a very serious topic, but we continued it to the ice cream parlour too(fyi - first we have lunch then we go for ice cream, its a routine).

The topic of this heated(more details on this aspect in a while) debate was the article in one of the leading magazines about the effect of IT boom on Bangalore. For the statistician, out of the seven of us present there, four are Old Bangaloreans. This discussion had been carried on quite vociferously on our internal public forum, the Bulletin Board and so it spilled on to the lunch discussion.

Now coming to the use of the term "heated", one of us took it personally(no no, not me, the only thing I take personally is personal matters..err..*confused*). So there you have it. A day when the perception of the localite weighed heavier than the Gay Guy's umbrella on his pinky finger.
No wonder the weather was so crazy today. I wonder what other surprises are in store this chilly winter.

Moody - Definitely Female

Ever tried to tap into that little, mean, sadistic part of you? Don't know what I am talking about? Oh you know, that little voice inside of you which asks you to push the person who cuts into your line or tell the pest who clings to you to go get a life. Yeah, that one. Don't deny the fact that it doesn't exist. All of us have it. Most of us ignore it or have conditioned ourselves to turn a deaf ear to it. What if one day you listen to it?

Don't freak out(as yet), I am not planning to turn into a psychopath. I am halfway there, but that's not the point. If your whole life you listened to the voice of reason, that voice which tells you what is right and what is wrong and then one day you realise, that voice doesn't belong to you. That voice has been forced into your head by society, by your parents, by your teachers, by your peers, by everyone but you. What do you do?

Coming back to the little streak of evil that I talked of before, listen to it, just once. The rush that comes with it is unparalleled. It is like breaking free of some chains which have left marks on your skin. The slight tingling sensation at its absence, the raw skin breathing for the first time in ages and the pain which doesn't let you forget of its existence. It will be back, oh yes, that you can be assured of, but till that time, enjoy the freedom.

It's been a rough week. Well that is what happens if you(I) decide to be over smart and decide to take a full week's leave instead of just three days, as is genuinely required. So you get nine days of blissful, stress free (as if!) and sleep filled days. But ever given a thought to the days that are to follow? Huh..I thought not! The Monday Blues seem Bluer than usual and the week seems to drag longer than Himesh's nasal crones. The shift back to waking up early on days that seem be out of a painting - foggy, chilly and (a feeling you can relate to) cold, is the most cruel part of it.

Add to it the amount of work at office which makes you wonder if they were just waiting for you to return and dump it on you, plus a few confusions in life in general and Voila! you have the perfect not-so-perfect week! Is it a surprise then that you snap at anyone who commits the grave error of ticking you off? I guess not. No, I am not trying to justify anything, because honestly, I don't do that. If there is one (of the millions) quality that I lack, it is spontaneity. The thought that goes into any action of mine makes it look like I plan to kidnap Mick Jagger (which reminds me, I must watch that show, I am told that it is quite funny)! So regretting what I said or did is totally out of the question. I just pity the people who cross my path on such occasions.

Few things that I learned over these last few days:

• Confrontation works a great deal in sorting out any kind of misunderstanding.
  
• Silence is not always golden.
• Truth hurts as bad as being kicked in the wrong place, but it works!
• The masks come off when under attack and the real face is quite ugly.

These may not make sense to you, but hey..did my words ever?

14444 and still going stong

If someone were to mention the first thing that makes India stand out from the rest of the world, it would have to be (no,not poverty, unemployment, population explosion, illiteracy, etc! Let's try to be positive!) the Indian Railways! How long has it been since you last traveled by train? If your answer is "never", kindly go shoot yourself! In my opinion, the train travel, whatever the duration of the journey may be, is an amazing, adventurous experience in itself.

What's so great about it? For starters, the train itself! I think (and I am quite sure) the Indian trains hold a record for being the longest in the world. That was the statistics part for the skeptics. Besides that, there's also the fact that in no other mode of travel, namely bus or plane, do you get to interact so closely with perfect strangers. Well that is scary in a way, but only if you carry yourself like Paris Hilton or dress in jewels like Bappi Lahiri. For the rest of us commoners(read normal people), its no big deal.

I agree that a flight maybe the quickest and most convenient way to reach somewhere, but come on! You have to admit, its boring! There is nothing more artificial and mechanical than the process of boarding a plane, right from the check in to the plastic smiles that adorn the faces of the flight attendants! Trains on the other hand, ahh, now that's a totally enriching experience.

My family has a problem. Ok I am lying, we have lots of problems but right now let's just focus on the relevant one. We can never, yes, never manage to safely board a train with time to spare. It always has involved, involves and will involve last minute rush, panic and pandemonium. We have had drills to try to overcome this problem, (I might be exaggerating just a little bit, sue me) but to no avail. Buses, private vehicles, flights, all these we make it in time but trains, now there's a nemesis who time and again mocks us by "almost" slipping out of our hands.

If we are in the station on time(which is 9 out of 10 cases), the train would mysteriously be on a secretive platform (9 3/4th? only Harry Potter fans will catch the significance), and most probably, we would have entered the station from the other end. May the soul of the man who designed Bangalore station rest in peace as the noble soul was kind enough to keep it small. Anyone been to the Delhi railway station? Correction- anyone almost missed a train/ got lost/ missed a family member at the Delhi railway station? The place is humongous! I am quite sure the coolies at one platform run into the coolies of another only after a year or so(yeah yeah, I am exaggerating, again!)!

But once the tough part is done with i.e. once you enter the train, huffing and puffing, dragging the luggage, counting the no. of articles to check if anything is missing, the sights and sounds inside inadvertently bring a smile to the (till now distorted out of exhaustion) face. To an ardent observer of human behavior, it is a treat! There aren't many things I wish for, but if there is one thing that I sorely miss at these occasions, it is the lack of talent for sketching in me. How I would love to soak in the sights in front of me and convert them to something worth remembering and cherishing in material form.

Did you suggest photos? It may be a fact that of late I might forget my mobile phone while traveling but not my camera, but to click photos of perfect strangers? Now that's just rude, weird and well, a tad bit shady! So I make do with just memories of significant incidents and/or people that surround me and my journey.

General compartment, second class, first class, A/C compartment and yes, even goods compartment(there is a long story behind it and my memory fails me as I was but a toddler back then) - been there, done it all. The games that we played as kids, running from one bogey to another, jumping over the parts which looked like they may separate any moment, walking though 3 bogeys just to purchase and consume soft drinks, hanging from the chains that are meant to support the middle berth, peeping into the adjacent berth while on the top most one, maybe its memories like these which make you want to travel once again in those rickety, noisy, yet one of a kind mode of transport.

I DONT want to know what you did last summer!

Why do people tell me things? Actually, it would be much more apt if I express it this way - WHY DO PEOPLE TELL ME THINGS???!!! What things? Things I don't want to know, things that concerns their personal lives, sometimes secrets, basically, things that do not concern me, in any manner.

Like every other characteristic, there are both upsides and downsides of being a good listener. I am in no "goody-goody" mood, so let's leave the upsides for some other time. Let's start with the downsides-
a.) Since everyone knows you for having a patient ear, they assume you like doing it. News flash- not always!
b.) People think you would rather listen than talk. Hello! I would talk if you would just let me!
c.) You end up doing something you never signed up for in the first place.

Don't get me wrong, this frustration isn't directed at everybody. Of course I love to listen to the ones I care about. I actually feel dejected if they don't come to me with their problems! This is directed at the strangers, the acquaintances who make me wish I had a gun. I may spit and spew venom here, but the fact of the matter is when it comes to such people, I am as meek as a poorly fed sacrificial lamb! I take liberties only with the ones whom I know won't take it the wrong way. With everyone else, its just the public face they would love to be familiar with - docile and all ears!

These kind of people range from a classmate who described in detail how he would woo his next target(the narrative included enlightening me with the sher he planned to use) to an ex-colleague who poured out his woes at work, all the petty politics encountered over the years and later on confessing that he liked me. I had known him for a month and apart from the aforementioned one sided conversation, all that had occurred between us was exchange of pleasantries in the morning and evening("Good Morning" and "Bye", to be precise).

What do you do in such situations? How long do you keep making excuses("I am on a call".."I don't drink coffee")? When polite rebuttals fail, what next? If I am going to be used as an agony aunt, I might as well charge them and make it worth the trouble!

Yeah right, as if..

Crack(er) it up!

DIWALI!!! Yeah, I know the original word is Deepawali or Deepavali, but as long as there are crackers, sweets and a holiday involved, does it really matter? I did come across a few people insisting that the greeting be addressed as Happy Deepawali and not Happy Diwali, which, if I must make it clear, irritated me. The good old bard Shakespeare must be turning in his grave, seeing how nobody in this day and age pays any heed to the a rose by any other name blah blah thought. I hope they don't go a far as to legalize or should I say illegalize the use of the same. As if spoiling the names of Bombay, Calcutta, Madras, Pondicherry, Bangalore and numerous others wasn't enough for them.

But let's not start off with negative thoughts (too late eh?)! Diwali to me is really very special. It is one of those few festivals that we celebrate in grandeur, Krishna Janamashtami being the other. Now that I look back, I can remember almost every Diwali that we have celebrated, from what I wore (*grin*) to a lot of other details. Or maybe that's just my brain malfunctioning, as usual, storing too many things than is necessary.

If there are two things that mark this festival, they are food and crackers (okay I admit, for me food is important in any case, festival or not). I am quite glad and proud of the fact that we celebrate Diwali the same way our elders used to, in the most traditional manner possible (minus the superstitions and unworldly restrictions- thank heavens for that!). So if you see food being prepared in containers made of leaves, don't be alarmed (for those not from my part of the country, this may strike as quite peculiar). As a kid, you laugh at these traditions, rituals and customs, wondering why anyone in their right sense of mind would continue with these archaic practices! But as age and maturity (ahem) greet you, you learn that the only thing that marks you as an individual and separates you from the crowd, are your traditions.

Mingling with people from each and every background, in a country like ours, is a day to day experience. You meet, you learn, you adapt - its a continuous cycle (only the degree varying from person to person). Yet while going through all of it, you wonder where you stand in the big scheme of things. I am not referring to the ever elusive "Who am I?" (philosophical gibberish) , but the more general "How am I different from every Sawyer, Tracy and Potter?"(my version of Tom, Dick and Harry, thank you very much). That's when the aforementioned traditions, rituals and customs come into play.

If there is one thing that I have observed keenly while interacting with all kinds of people, it is the fact that however may be the manner of your dressing, behaviour or attitude (rural/modern/urban), everyone takes great pride in their community. "We don't do it that way..", "in our functions..", "we celebrate it in a different way.." - statements like these are more often than not accompanied by the look of a sense of belonging. You need not even be a religious devout for it! I agree that most of these(if not all) customs originate from a religious line of thought. But nowadays, does anyone really know (or sometimes even care) about it? Coming from a caste and family where purohits/pandits are a dime a dozen, I can assure you that these customs are as irrelevant as P.T. Usha in cricket (sheesh!that was a disastrous simile)!

Yet we continue to follow them, not because we are forced to, or because we are afraid of committing a "sin", but because that is what we have been taught, that is what our parents do and that is what our forefathers did. It is our comfort zone. It defines us, it defines where we come from. We may not know who will head the government after the next elections, but we can count on the fact that there will be Durga Pooja on Dussera, Lakshmi Pooja on Diwali and our favourite sweet vanishing as fast as democracy from Pakistan(I really need to end this simile massacre!).

We are, after all, slaves to our routines.

Six feet under

Death- the one thing that fascinates me, the one thing that scares me. You can find an answer to anything else, you can experience and explain any other phenomenon, but not death. This isn't some philosophical gibberish or even an attempt at seeking spiritual answers for questions. Actually, it just might be.

If there is anything I firmly believe in, it is most definitely the finality of death. No priest, leader or institution can convince me otherwise. I whole heartedly believe that there is nothing 'beyond'. That there is no "light at the end of the tunnel, calling out to you". It is just silence, silence from the noise we claim to hate, and yet that which we crave. A blankness, a stillness which has absolutely no end. It would be like falling asleep, the only difference being, here you never wake up.

When your physical presence ceases to exist, so do you. That is exactly what scares me the most. In life we take each day as it comes, wondering, dreaming, planning for the days to come. But what if, what if one 'fine' day you were told exactly how many more days you had for the curtains to draw one last time. Worse, what if you were told the time limit that a loved one has remaining? How in the world does anyone find the strength to go on? It is not a mere object that is being snatched away from you, but a living, thriving entity, someone who has been a part of your life, someone who has been your life! How do you rise from such a low?

Letting go..

More than a year since I started working, and the changes are quite apparent. It is one thing to be a student and another to be financially independent - a working woman. Although I must admit that staying at home, with your parents, superficially, both seem to be the same. Especially if you aren't a guy. The same deadlines (ok maybe a little extended now), the same barrage of questions - who, when, why, the same ensuing arguments and the same restrictions.

But dig deeper and you can see the differences. The questions, now, need not be answered. Well I don't mean to be rude, but there are times when you get fed up. Moreover it can frustrate anyone to return from work, traveling through irritatingly slow traffic, back home, to a quizmaster. As if controlling your rage in office wasn't bad enough. Call it escapism or running away or whatever you like, but the plain truth is it is easier to avoid conflicts if you just stay silent. I have learned this from experience and many a times it takes great will on my part to not explode. Though at the end of the day it really is worth it.

Family is the easiest and softest target you can find to relieve your frustrations. Friends can just end it and move away, colleagues can actually end up putting you in a lot of trouble and unless you are psychotic, acquaintances obviously do not figure on the list. But family, now they can't run anywhere. They have been tolerating you (and vice versa) for years now. Sometimes I wonder whether it is actually love or just adjustment. You get so used to these people in your life that any other way of life just doesn't seem plausible.

Yet it isn't right or fair that they have to bear the brunt of your boss being an incompetent jack ass, you slogging your ass off and not being even a little appreciated or some trouble or mess in your personal life. It just isn't fair. Oh well, 'life is fairly unfair' or something on these lines seem to play on my mind right now. But quotes are good only to quote, not when applied to reality. So the simple solution to it - grin and bear it. The monosyllables that you mouth makes for terrible conversation but at least it saves you the misery of spoiling your mood further.

Their point of view is quite understandable actually. They know that it is just a matter of time before the "bird leaves the nest" (what a crappy metaphor). Till then, they try to make the most of it, trying to be as involved as can be, not realising they are intruding upon your personal space and privacy. Growing up isn't about being an adult, aging more than 18. It is when you don't need them anymore, at least materialistically , sometimes even emotionally. That is what scares them the most. They are trying so hard to hold on to what is left of what used to be their life, little do they realise the frictions that are occurring as a cause of it.

It's easy to let go, holding on is the tough part.

What is worse than having a friend whose girlfriend you aren't exactly a fan of? I'll tell you- the girlfriend making it quite obvious to your friend that she isn't comfortable with the two of you being together.

I am the kind of person who is more at ease with guys. Why? I am not sure but I think the fact that I have grown up with two brothers might have something to do with it. I am not exactly tomboyish, but I definitely cannot be classified as "girly" either. So it doesn't take me much time to gel with other fools of similar temperament. All this history has been laid out just to emphasize the fact that being with a guy is not new to me.

Usually, its a matter of time before I am introduced to the better half.The protocol been done away with, next comes the time for her to assess the "threat"-me! I am proud to state that 99% of the time, I am given the green signal. The rest 1% are the perennially doubtful ones, the ones who wouldn't let even a cow come near their prized possession.

I don't know why us females are always so suspicious over the other's intentions. That too, if it's a long term relationship, the insecurities are justifiable - out of sight, out of mind, the distance playing the role of an aging, waist expanding villain. But when you are just a call away, what's your problem! Sometimes (when I am in on my worst bitchy moods), I feel I should justify their cause for concern and teach them a good lesson in the process. But of course, my moral conscience(which is unfortunately,double the size of my ego) always butts in to stop me.

Don't they realize that if there's anything the guy should be protected from, it is them! A girlfriend who constantly questions you, confides her fears about your good friend (if i might add something here-the very same friend who got them together in the first place!) and makes no small matter of the fact that she is jealous, doesn't stand much chance in the long run.

As it is, once a friend finds love, rest assured for the next few months he/she forgets the existence of friends. To top that, the whole "love triangle-conspiracy theory" angle to it makes it even more difficult to handle. I do agree that sometimes friendship does blossom into love, but that doesn't mean you view anyone close to your better half with suspicion. If you can't trust the one you love, you have already lost it all.

Anyway, my solution to this dilemma- distancing myself from it all. Keep the confusion and your boyfriend to yourself, I want nothing to do with either. Am I compromising unnecessarily and losing out on good times? Compromise-yes, unnecessarily-no. I want my peace of mind and hope in the process she finds hers too.

Hyacinth

How can two people continue to be in a relationship knowing that there is no future? I know it's unreasonable to think so much about the future when you are just getting to know someone. But once both of you know that there is more to it than just flirting around or going out together, don't you sit and think about it?

Doesn't it bother you that any moment, this beautiful thing might come to an end? Or do people blindly believe in the 'Ignorance is Bliss' policy, behaving like an Ostrich, sticking their neck into the sand, hoping and praying that the inevitable just happens to pass them by? You can't continue to look the other way, who will tell them that?

Some say it's not necessary that you get to marry the one you love, but that shouldn't stop you from loving. BULLSHIT! What will you gain from pursuing such an "arrangement"? Are people so hungry for love or are they in love with the idea of falling in love that they forget that it is not just about physical intimacy, it has more to do with emotional intimacy. Unless the former is more important, in which case it can be just termed as an affair or fling, not love.

Who am I to preach about love? Well, honestly, no one. But when I see people around me act so foolishly, plunging head long into it knowing fully well of the consequences, all I can do is grind my teeth and bare it. Even as a friend, you need to be in certain boundaries. You cannot tell your friends to just get it over with and stop torturing themselves further, especially when they look to you for that ever needed shoulder to cry on. You can just go so far. One step more, one word more and you might be misunderstood and in the worst case, asked to mind your own business in the coldest manner possible. After that, it can only go downhill from there.

"Cherish the moments as long as they last" will most probably be their excuse. "Don't act stupid!" would be mine. There is nothing to be gained from pursuing something that does and will continue to cause you pain. The sooner you end it, easier will it be to move on.

Its only Words

There are a few people who are very good with words. I feel blessed to be lucky enough to know at least a couple of them personally. Talking to them comes very easily, the flow of words stopping only when there is a genuine reason. All I need to say is "Hey" and the rest goes off smoothly from there.

I am the kind of person who likes personal interaction more than telephonic conversations. Why? Well, for one, you cannot see the other person's expressions when you are on the phone. You never know if the "so nice to talk to you" is genuine or they are just rolling their eyes in reality. Also, if you don't learn from your mistakes, you are not fit to be called a human! Ok, what that meant was that some people are great "voice modulators" and I have been foolish enough in the past to have believed what I heard and pay the price for the same.

So nowadays the only people I have lengthy conversations with, over the phone, are those that I completely trust. I can sometimes even imagine the kind of smile, frown or mischief on their faces upon my remarks or comments. That's the kind of 'connection' I enjoy(too much dialogue-baazi hunh).

Anyway, I was talking to this one friend last evening. I wasn't in the best of my moods but I never allow my moods to control me or my behaviour. Just because something is going wrong in my life doesn't mean I should let if affect others. And so I picked up the call. I give myself more credit than is due as it turns out that I couldn't mask the dullness in my greeting. Luckily, pretending also comes easily(even if a bit too late) to me. So blamed it on sleepiness and boredom.

As I mentioned earlier, he is one of those few who are so good with words. The topic discussed was something serious as it affects not only mine but a few other people's plans but once that was out of the way, it was a joy to listen to him speak. I am not a sucker for compliments and honestly, I don't like someone complimenting me on my face. According to me, compliments are best served behind the back and criticisms up front(the only exception being when it is related to the physical appearance on a special day :D).

But this conversation was different. In between the silly leg pulling games that we always play, a few compliments were inserted. I didn't even realise it, such was the grace with which they were 'executed'! It did lift my spirits. What also lifted my spirits was the return of one of my friends/colleagues from her leave and the fact that she did so well in her GMAT exam. I didn't know I was getting so used to these "regular" people in my life. Its not a good thing for me. I know for sure, that one of these days, things will change and again I will be amongst some relative strangers, trying to find my footing, starting from scratch all over again.

Until then, let me just enjoy these days.

Managing myself

Frustration. An emotion I am very used to, I can identify with. If the frustrations are brought from within, its easier to handle, but if they are brought on by a third person, playing it down takes up a lot of energy.

When you start your professional life, what is the one thing that plays on your mind, more than anything(except the money)? Well, for me, it was the thought of working under a stranger, who, by sheer experience and age would be senior to me. Throughout my childhood I have heard both good and bad stories about my parents' bosses and was hence thoroughly curious to find out about mine. Would he be bald?Maybe. Would he be too old?Nah..nobody is too old in this industry! Would he be interesting?Hmmm..

Looking back, I wouldn't mind if he were either bald or too old! This man, who is supposed to be a "manager", who is supposed to be good in people skills, asks his team members whether he should leave early as his wife is acting cold towards him. Yes. You read that right. My skin crawled when I heard this and trust me, I would give any therapist as much as desired to erase this traumatic, ghastly memory from my idiotic remembers-everything-clearly brain!

Forget being a good manager, he doesn't even seem to be a proper man! Call me narrow minded or old fashioned, but I am of the strong opinion that a man should behave like, well, a man! To hell with metrosexuality or the over hyped "finding your feminine side"! Nothing is as demotivating or creepy as the first manager in your professional life giggling during the call with the client(obviously on mute) or standing with his hands on his hips or walking with a very Bobby Darling gait.

No,he's not gay. He looks it, he acts it, but I guess he doesn't know it. He is apparently happily married(an oxymoron?). But that's besides my point! What is my point? I don't know! All I know is that with each passing day, it is becoming more and more difficult to hide my disgust towards this man. Yet, I have no other options. Compared to the cunning crook who is sitting and plotting in Mysore as to how to get us back there, who merrily dines at the expense of another and tells him that the onsite trip is canceled only when the bill is paid, my manager seems to be the lesser of the two evils. Much lesser!

But when I hear my friends talk how knowledgeable their manager is or some even admitting they don't even know who their manager is, the pangs of jealousy inside of me become uncontrollable. Of all the under paid morons in this company, why in the world did I have to be stuck with the man who abandons his place and shares our cubicle when in trouble? WHY!!??

Connection Reset

Sleep..I need sleep..My mind is so exhausted right now! All because of my stupid phone. I recently(Sat to be more precise) activated GPRS on my phone for lack of anything better to do. The cost seemed reasonable enough and given my single status and of course the provision of the office phone for other calls, as it is I hardly spend anything towards me phone bill. So my thought was "Why not?"

Coming to that, I have friends who have spent more than a thousand per month on just phone bills! Whoever said that love is blind forgot to mention that love can cost a lot too(pun intended)! Anyway, what prompted me besides general boredom was my curiosity. Such instances actually make me wonder if I was a cat in my previous life, the signs are quite obvious to miss. There's just one flaw in this theory-I don't believe in rebirth!

Ok so coming back to the 'connectivity' issue, The activation was a cakewalk, kudos to Vodafone for that. Any technically illiterate person could have also followed the simple steps that they provided though their SMS. Once the setup was complete,it was time to test it. The phone browser takes just too much time to load and redirect and so downloading a suitable browser was the need of the hour. That was the start of my woes.

Two days, two full days I kept trying to connect to my favourite sites(that wasn't posing any problem). But it also required me to log in repeatedly to view each page. Eventually it turned out that the beta version, the one that I had downloaded was the culprit and the old version was the answer to my problems. At two in the night(morning?), after downloading the older version and checking for its performance and to my great relief, discovering that everything was working fine, did I call it a day(night?)! Why couldn't I just wait for the following morning, contact the service guy and have the thing fixed? Well, to be honest, my pride and ego wouldn't let me!

I hate generalisations and if there is anything I hate more than generalisations, it is stereotypes. How is that connected in any way to my "story"? Well, "you are a girl, technology is way beyond your reach" qualifies as a stereotype, doesn't it? I am happy to announce that I became an exception to this rule and I am now 'connected' to the world through my phone. In fact, half of this blog was composed on my phone, while traveling back home!

I am loving it! :)

For old times sake

*sigh* Sunday is coming to an end. Yeah, i know it is a very regular phenomenon and I am just stating the obvious. But today was an exceptionally good one. It's one thing to go out and another to go out and actually have a good time!

A couple of days back, I was just chatting with one of my friends on gtalk out of boredom when the topic shifted to how long it has been since we met and spent some time together. Thanks to office resources and lack of any serious pending work at both ends, I ended up calling him and we spoke for quite long. The matters "discussed" were basically how I think he is pretending to be busy, acting too smart for his own good and the if we don't meet very soon, I will make sure that he is covered in bruises. He had the same thoughts, except the bruises part.

So it was decided that Sunday we should meet up. Easier said than done. It had been a while since I met quite a few friends, most of whom are busy preparing for that stupid test that is claiming the free time of a lot of people of my age group(plus/minus two years)- CAT. Hence, the plan was proposed that all of us have lunch together, after these busy bodies finish with their Mock CATs.

Next came the tough part- catching each of them, requesting for a few moments out of their precious time and to get them to agree. Mind you, it wasn't just studies that would have acted as a hindrance, but we are talking about asking guys to spare some time on the day of an India-Australia match. If there's one thing yours truly is good at, it's persuasion. For some, a "pretty please" was good enough, for others emotional blackmail plus veiled threats did the job. One secret-when I was convincing one, I told the other that everyone else was coming and hence not to act as a spoilsport!*evil grin*

People were asked and convinced, day and time was decided, next came the venue. Now here, I got hardly any help. "Hey..decide the venue and just let me know" was the common response. That wasn't good for me. I had no problem deciding where to go but if it wouldn't turn out well, I would have six tired, hungry, angry men to take care of and trust me, no way did I want that to happen! After much deliberation with one of them, I finally fixed the place and crossed my fingers and messaged all of them last night about it.

Here comes the element of surprise-not one, but all of them turned up earlier than planned! The only waiting involved was for the table, which wasn't a big issue as there was no dearth of "entertainment" to pass the time. I had made a rule right from the time all of them turned up-no one is to discuss the questions/answers and except an occasional slip up a couple of times, all of them did adhere to it!

The food was excellent(especially for the price that we paid for it) and for a change, us veggies had good options and actually went in for second servings! Everyone was at ease, teasing each other and a lot of gay jokes were passed(as I remarked to one of them-such jokes seem to be in abundance in our group!).

The funny thing that struck me while looking around the table-I was the only girl there. And yet, nothing seemed as odd to any of us, me included. I guess that's the best part about having such friends, you don't have to think too much, you just blend into the common space, forgetting the trivial superficialities.

After I reached home, i got a message from one of them, thanking me for organising this little meet and expressing how much fun he had. I know they say that "there is no thank you/sorry in friendship", but honestly, it doesn't hurt to slide in these two once in a while, when you actually mean it. I feel accomplished. :)

Relatively Sane

Phew! What a day. It all started yesterday when my aunt called up home to inform that since my niece(she is 20 years older than me) is in town, they will be coming home today for lunch. My mom switched into the hyper mode. What to prepare tomorrow, how many to expect, what to buy, etc. Now don't get me wrong, usually she behaves in a very composed manner, as is expected from a working woman handling her family since the past 27 years.

But when it comes to relatives, especially if they are from my father's side, you better step out of the way. I seriously wonder why. I have even confronted her and told her that their "judgement" of her should make absolutely no difference to her or our lives. She obviously denies the fact that she is trying to win them over and hence the charade continues. I have accepted the fact and have resigned myself to it.

Its not that easy though. Her restlessness rubs off on me and since my brother somehow very cunningly is missing from the scene on such days, I am left to bear the brunt of her irritation. It starts right in the morning. Since almost every Friday I sleep late, it automatically translates to me waking up late on Saturday. Thats usually not a problem, its almost a routine now. But not today. I was woken up by her at around 10, thats like 2 hours too early! Not to forget that at around 7 my sleep was broken and I panicked looking at the clock, forgetting that it was a non working day.

My hands were itching to start the computer and sit online, but if I don't learn a few lessons after 23 years of living with my family, I consider myself to be one retarded, spastic creature. So there I was, standing outside the kitchen, not even mentioning breakfast, waiting for my orders. And did they come! Though I must confess that since she has raised me, she knew what all I am capable of(hehe) and hence kept my chores simple. My favourite one though was the role of the taster! I am supposed to be a stone emotions wise but when it comes to senses, mine are hailed as the best in the house(thank you thank you). So any dish/dessert/edible item that is prepared, first comes to me for the honours.

Needless to say, today there were many to be inspected! They all passed the test, few underwent minor alterations, and I am very happy to announce that they were all hits with the relatives. And I am not basing my claims on just the mandatory praises showered by them, but because second servings were asked for, and that can never be misleading! The pleasure was apparent on my mother's face and the look of amusement on mine.

Now coming to those people who single handedly succeeded to cause so much mayhem in a day of our lives - my relatives. If you have seen the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, you won't have a problem recognising them. The loudest, most boisterous, biggest bunch of happy and healthy people - that's them! But I must admit, there's not a single dull moment when the Ballals get together. Everyone seems to have a good sense of humor, the best of which comes up when pulling someone's leg. And sarcasm..oh boy..if you are new to this family, you should be warned, all of us are full of it!

Come to think of it, I had a good time. I like relatives when they come in "short" packages ie for a few hours. They come, they eat, they crack jokes, we reminisce, they call us to their house and then they leave. Short and sweet. Anything more than that and its time to make excuses about mailing someone from work or having a headache and take a leave from the gathering. I wonder if they feel the same way about me and my family. Actually, I am sure that they do! :D

Crib..crib..crib..n oh yes..crib!

A Friday. A nice, relaxing, happy Friday. And here I am, stuck to my seat, in front of the computer, looking at that whimsical clock on the bottom right corner, waiting for it to turn to 5:00 PM. No, not because then I can leave and go home, but so that I can switch off my brain for the day and listen to my teammate walk our demented, retarded client through a thoroughly depressing presentation, while seated next to our IQ-level-below-20-PM. I am not being bitchy, neither is this stemming out of bitterness.

It's the truth. Imagine a eight year old..no..make it five year old child, who is so spoiled and pampered by her parents that she thinks that Shah Jahan built the Taj Mahal not for his love Mumtaz but for her and every time she sees marble, it should be brought to her. Hence, stubborn, demanding or unreasonable would be an understatement to describe her. What ST demands, ST gets. That is what they tell her, or maybe they don't. She just assumes that since she is the privileged one to have us as the service providers (read slaves) it is but obvious that we need to be subservient to her.

Coming to the "services" that we provide, it can range from teaching basics of Math to entertaining her when she is all alone in her office and it is way beyond office hours in ours!
I mean come on, isn't it obvious! If she stays in the office, the whole world should give her company in it. What kind of a place works for "only" 8.5 hrs per day! It's a different matter that we work even before she comes to office as she would have given work the previous evening. But all that is immaterial. Their company doesn't pay our company to complain or ask such questions.

Questions. I have started to hate them. Silly me used to think that questions are good, questions are just a way to probe some more and gain some more knowledge. Ha! if things continue this way, very soon we will have to make those "class passes" like in school and take our PMs or better still, take Her Highness' permission to go to the washroom. If someone goes on leave, I should be informed. If someone falls ill, they should inform me for how many days that will continue! Sure. What's next? Should we also find out who built the universe in exactly how many days? That too of course, by EOD.

For those who claim slavery is no longer existent, kindly remind me to set up a meeting in her office.